“I’m a socialist drinker” (joke)
A "social" drinker shouldn't be confused with a "socialist" drinker, but there are jokes. "I'm not a heavy drinker, more of a socialist drinker. Which is to say,…
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“Why do vampires drink blood?”/“Because coffee keeps them awake all day!”
A vampire riddle has been cited in print since at least 1990: Q: Why do vampires drink blood?A: Because root beer makes them burp. A different punchline has been cited in at least 1998: Q: Why do…
“Trick or treat, bags of sweets, ghosts are walking down the street”
"Trick or treat" is a Halloween phrase that began in the 1920s. "Trick or treat, bags of sweets, ghosts are walking down the street" was printed in the article "32 Spooky,…
“If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted”
"When one door shuts, another opens" is an old proverb about opportunity. "If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted" is a jocular variation that…
“Ghosts and goblins, spooks galore. Scary witches at your door”
"Ghosts and goblins, spooks galore. Scary witches at your door. Jack-o-lanterns smiling bright, wishing you a haunting night" is a popular Halloween saying that has been printed on many…
“Pumpkin wishes and candy corn kisses”
Pumpkin wishes and candy corn kisses" is a Halloween saying that has been printed on many images. "Pumpkin wishes and candy corn kisses on #NationalCandyCornDay" was posted on…
“The most trusted name in fake news” (The Daily Show, CNN)
"The most trusted name in fake news" is a slogan that has been printed in many images, It's a parody on the CNN news network slogan, "The most trusted name in news." Comedy…
“Capitalism is controlled by an ‘invisible hand’ that gives most people the invisible finger”
The "invisible hand" over the economy is a theory of capitalism popularized by Scottish economist Adam Smith (1723-1790). Many people, since at least the 1990s. have felt that capitalism…
Parlor City (Monroe, Louisiana nickname)
Binghamton, New York, has been called the "Parlor City (of the Southern Tier)" since 1873. "Parlor City" means a city that is refined, with beautiful homes, gardens and cultural…
“If a psychologist became a hip hop artist, does it make the music ‘shrink rap’?”
People in the psychology industry have long been nicknamed "shrinks." This has nothing to do with "shrink wrap," but there are many puns. "Psychologists convention: shrink…
“Threw my neighbors a really nice housewarming party. The cops are calling it arson, however”
A "housewarming party" usually doesn't involve "warming the house," but there are jokes. "Positive spin #13: 'Arson, m'lord? Not at all. We just…
“About to put on a suit and tie for the party. Yes, I’m dressing up for Halloween”
"Dress up" often involves a suit and tie, but for Halloween? "They told me to dress up for the halloween party, so i wore a suit and tie" was posted on Twitter by Augie on…
“Most part-time jobs ironically want you to have full-time availability”
"Part time jobs be wanting full time availability smh" was posted on Twitter by #fullstoP on January 21, 2012. "Part time jobs be wanting you to have full time availability" was…
“Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer”
"Travel is the only thing you (can) buy that makes you richer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "I have this saying, cut out of a magazine,…
Diet Joke (Diet Coke nickname)
"Diet Joke" is an unflattering nickname for Diet Coke that has been printed on many images. Some have claimed that "Diet Joke" doesn't help people's diets, while…
Parlor City (Bluffton, Indiana nickname)
Binghamton, New York, has been called the "Parlor City (of the Southern Tier)" since 1873. "Parlor City" means a city that is refined, with beautiful homes, gardens and cultural…
“I don’t advertise my lip reading business. It’s all word of mouth”
Some businesses don't advertise, but succeed by word of mouth. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 26, 2018: "I don't advertise my lip reading business. It's all…
“Yo mama is so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheck”
A popular "yo mama" insult "so ugly" joke is popular at Halloween: "Yo mama is so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application." Later…
“Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting”
Some people prefer sitting to running. A joke was posted on Twitter by Blue Moon on October 7, 2014. "Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting." TwitterBlue…
“If it weren’t for court dates, I wouldn’t be dating at all”
Having a court date isn't really "dating," but a joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on October 25, 2018: "If it weren't for court dates, I wouldn't be dating at…