“I have a feeling that my ‘check liver’ light’ may come on this weekend”
Cars have a "check engine" light. People do not have a "check liver" light to see if it can handle more alcohol, but there are jokes. "Check liver light" has been…
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“I plan on marrying into a family that does mimosas on holiday mornings instead of 5K’s”
Many runs are planned over holiday weekends, such as a 5k "turkey trot" over Thanksgiving. "I plan on marrying into a family that does mimosas on holiday mornings instead of…
“Grow gardens, not government”
"Grow gardens, not government" is a saying that has been printed on several images. Authorship is unknown. The saying has been popular with libertarians. "grow gardens not…
“They say you are what you eat. That’s funny. I don’t remember eating a sexy beast for breakfast”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them” (joke)
"Lying" has more than one meaning. "I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying. I can also tell when they're standing" was posted on Twitter by Nathan…
“They say you are what you eat. That’s funny. I don’t remember eating a sexy beast this morning”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“Did my good deed for the day and gave up my seat for an elderly lady” (joke)
"I gave up my seat for an old lady today........ How was I to know she'd never driven a bus before?" was posted on Twitter by Dean Kinsella on February 24, 2016. "I did a good…
“Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Doritos so my fingers don’t get orange”
"Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Doritos so my fingers don't get orange. No weirdos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Doritos (a brand of flavored tortilla…
“For my next trick, I will disappear. ‘Fuck you, pear! You taste like shit!’”
"Disappear" should not be confused with "dis a pear," but there are jokes. One such joke has been printed on several images. "And for my next trick, I will disappear: You…
“I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying” (joke)
"Lying" has more than one meaning. "I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying. I can also tell when they're standing" was posted on Twitter by Nathan…
“Life is like a box of chocolates. Not as fun with diabetes”
“Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get" is a famous line from the movie Forrest Gump (1994). "Life is like a box of chocolates. It…
“Life is like a box of chocolates. It sucks if you have diabetes”
“Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get" is a famous line from the movie Forrest Gump (1994). "Life is like a box of chocolates. It…
“This is the first year I haven’t done the London Marathon because of Covid-19…” (joke)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic canceled many marathon events. "This is the first year I haven’t done the London Marathon because of Covid-19.... usually I don’t do it because I’m fat…
“Because of COVID-19 for the first time since 1945 the National Spelling Bee is cancil… cancul…”
The National Spelling Bee had been held every year since 1945. In 2020, however, the coronavirus caused the spelling bee to be canceled, or cancelled. "C-A-N-C-E-L-E-D: The National Spelling…
“Roses are red. Contagion is plenty. I’m drinking for breakfast, Because fuck 2020”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic made it a bad year for most people. A poem was posted on Twitter by Maryfairyboberry on March 22, 2020: "Roses are redContagion is plentyI’m drinking for…
“My tolerance for alcohol is higher than my tolerance for people”
"My tolerance for alcohol is way higher than my tolerance for people" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been said with many slight variations. "high…
“EARTHLINGS, WE HAVE KILLED YOUR LEADERS AND ARE HERE TO TAKE OVER” (joke)
Many people distrust government, and they believe that almost anything would be better. A joke was posted on Twitter by Alicia Demon Goddess of Lust on October 8, 2020: Aliens invade:…
“My tolerance for alcohol is much higher than my tolerance for people”
"My tolerance for alcohol is way higher than my tolerance for people" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been said with many slight variations. "high…
“Walking back to the car because you forgot your mask is the new kinda pissed off”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many requirements to wear face masks. Many people left their cars, deep in some thoughts --and forgetting their masks. "New walk of shame:…
“New walk of shame: Walking back to your car because you forgot your mask”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many requirements to wear face masks. Many people left their cars, deep in some thoughts --and forgetting their masks. "New walk of shame:…