“I run on coffee and bad decisions”
"I run on coffee and bad decisions" (or "I'm running on coffee and bad decisions") is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm tired as hell,…
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“Vote or die”
Entry in progress -- BP “Vote like your life depends on it” is a related saying. Wikipedia: Citizen ChangeCitizen Change is a political service group, founded in 2004 by musician P. Diddy, and…
“I’m not a procrastinator. I just prefer doing all my work in a deadline-induced panic”
"I'm not a procrastinator. I just prefer doing all my work in a deadline-induced panic" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is from the webcomic…
“If you took all the fraud out of politics, there might not be a lot left”
Many people have long realized that there is a lot of fraud in politics. American economist and social theorist wrote on Townhall on August 26, 2008: "If you took all the fraud out of…
“I’m really upset because I got my doctor’s test results. Turns out I’m not gonna be a doctor”
"Doctor's test results" can mean a doctor's test results on a patient, or test results to become a doctor. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 6, 2015:…
“I got a job at Comcast and completed training so I could fix my own cable…” (joke)
Customer service for a communications company such as Comcast or Spectrum can take a long time. A joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on May 8, 2017: "I got a job at Comcast and…
“Wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket?”/“No.”/“Fine.”
"Fine" can mean several things. A joke originated on the Sickipedia website and was posted by several people on Twitter on September 19, 2011: "Wanna hear a joke about a parking…
“I got a job at Spectrum and completed training so I could fix my own cable…” (joke)
Customer service for a communications company such as Comcast or Spectrum can take a long time. A joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on May 8, 2017: "I got a job at Comcast and…
“What is Tinker Bell’s Mexican sister’s name?”/“Taco Bell.”
Taco Bell (a Tex-Mex chain restaurant) has nothing to do with Tinker Bell (a fictional character), but there are jokes. "wonders if Tinker, Bell ever dines at Taco, Bell..." was posted on…
“My daughter said she saw a deer on the way to school. How did she know it was going to school?”
A school joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on October 17, 2020: "My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.Me: 'How do you know it was going to school?'"…
“Keto diet? I thought you said taquito diet”
A keto diet should not be confused with a taquito diet, but there are jokes. "Keto life? More like taQuito life, amiright??" was posted on Twitter by Mal Malloy on August 2, 2014.…
“Does anyone know where adults can trick or treat? Looking for a neighborhood that hands out tacos”
"Does anyone know where adults can trick or treat? Looking for a neighborhood that hands out tacos and margaritas... #NotAskingForAFriend" is a jocular Halloween saying that has been…
“Vegans are like adults. First you hate them, then you become one and realize they were right”
"Vegans are like adults. First you hate them, then you become one and realize they were right all along" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on…
“I haven’t tried yoga, but I have tried bending over to pick up my keys…”
"I haven’t tried yoga, but I have tried bending over to pick up my keys, so I’m pretty sure I’d hate yoga" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“I think my ‘check liver’ light is going to come on soon”
Cars have a "check engine" light. People do not have a "check liver" light to see if it can handle more alcohol, but there are jokes. "Check liver light" has been…
“Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those Taco Bell hot sauce packets”
Many people have a large collection of take-out food condiments, such as Chinese soy sauce packets, Chinese mustard packets, Taco Bell hot sauce packets and McDonald's ketchup packets. Why not…
“Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup…”
Many people have a large collection of take-out food condiments, such as Chinese soy sauce packets, Chinese mustard packets, Taco Bell hot sauce packets and McDonald's ketchup packets. Why not…
“We don’t need to eat anyone who would run, swim, or fly away if he could”
"We don’t need to eat anyone who would run, swim, or fly away if he could" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. "On yet another (poster—ed.), James Cromwell of…
“Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those Chinese food condiment packets”
Many people have a large collection of take-out food condiments, such as Chinese soy sauce packets, Chinese mustard packets, Taco Bell hot sauce packets and McDonald's ketchup packets. Why not…
“One of my biggest fears is that I’ll marry into a family that does 5Ks on holidays”
Many runs are planned over holiday weekends, such as a 5k "turkey trot" over Thanksgiving. "I pray to god I never marry into a family that runs 5ks on thanksgiving" was posted…