“The last thing I need is a coffin”
The expression "that's the last thing I'll need" usually means that the person has no need for that thing. Jokes about a coffin take the "last thing" literally.…
“The last thing to grow on a fruit tree is the fruit. Stay patient. What you work for will manifest”
"The last thing to grow on a fruit tree is the fruit" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "Not seeing results? Feel like giving up?…
“The Lego store has finally reopened. People are lined up for blocks”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic closed many stores. Lego stores were among the stores that were closed, and a joke went viral at the end of May 2020. "The Lego Store Has Reopened... People…
“The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed”
"Why is it that the less important you are in a company, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed?" was cited in print in 1998. "Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The…
“The local Goodwill burned down last night. A person died from second-hand smoke”
Goodwill Industries is a second-hand store. It doesn't necessarily have second-hand smoke, but there are jokes. "Fire guts warehouse, parked Goodwill trucks in San Francisco. Firefighters…
“The local vampire social club is constantly getting bigger. They’re always looking for new blood”
"vampires have the most active club. They're always looking for new blood" is a vampire joke that was posted on X/Twitter by peterkidder on December 4, 2013. "I'm thinking…
“The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5”
"The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5" -- that is, the five days of Monday through Friday -- is a jocular saying that…
“The Man in the Brooks Brothers Shirt” (1942)
"The Man in the Brooks Brothers Shirt" was the title of a 1942 short story by Mary McCarthy. The title is famous, but the story itself is less so. The Brooks Brothers company used the…
“The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there”
"The man on top of the mountain didn't fall there" (or "Those at the top of the mointain didn't fall there") is a motivational saying that has been printed on many…
“The man who loves his job is always on vacation”
"The man who loves his job is always on vacation" is an infrequently used saying. American country musician
“The man who rolls up his sleeves seldom loses his shirt”
"The man who rolls up his sleeves seldom loses his shirt" means that someone who gets to work to tackle a problem ("rolls up his sleeves") seldom loses everything ("loses…
“The man who stops advertising to save money is like the man who stops the clock to save time”
"The man who stops advertising to save money is like the man who stops the clock to save time" is a popular saying that newspapers and magazines have used to promote advertising. The…
“The Mattress Professionals” (Sleepy’s)
Sleepy's (www.sleepys.com) has many stores in New York City. It all began with Harry Acker in Brooklyn. "The Mattress Professionals" has been a company slogan since 1977. The company…
“The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated”
"The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated" is jocular work advice that has been printed on many images. "Lesson learned today: The more…
“The more you tell, the more you sell” (marketing adage)
"The more you tell, the more you sell" is an old marketing adage. The more information that prospective customer learns about a product, the more that customer can be attracted to the…
“The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence”
"The most important thing a girl wears is her confidence" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "'The most important thing a girl wears is her…
“The most expensive vehicle to operate, by far, is the Costco shopping cart”
"A new study shows that the most expensive vehicle to operate is a shopping cart" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Marriage soon brings to a man the…
“The most expensive vehicle to operate, per mile, is the shopping cart”
"A new study shows that the most expensive vehicle to operate is a shopping cart" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Marriage soon brings to a man the…
“The most important ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people”
"The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people" is a line that has been credited to Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919). Dale Carnegie…
“The most important thing a girl wears is her confidence”
"The most important thing a girl wears is her confidence" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "'The most important thing a girl wears is her…