“The only way to get ahead is to decapitate someone”
"To get ahead" should not be confused with "to get a head," but there are jokes. "To get ahead in this world, you'd probably have to decapitate someone" was…
“The opening ceremony for my ribbon repair business was pretty confusing”
Many businesses are opened by a ribbon-cutting ceremony. But what if the business is repairing ribbons? "The opening ceremony for my ribbon repair business was pretty confusing" was…
“The operation was successful, but the patient died”
"The operation was successful, but the patient died" (or "the operation was a success, but the patient died") is an old joke in the medical profession that has also been used to…
“The opposite of ‘easy peasy lemon squeezy’ is ‘stressed depressed lemon zest’”
“Easy peasy lemon squeezy” is a way of saying that something is easy. "Difficult difficult lemon difficult" (or "When you thought everything would be easy peasy lemon squeezy,…
“The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist invents the parachute”
Entry in progress -- B.P.English novelist Glabys Bronwyn Stern or G. B. Stern (1890-1973) Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) 7 September 1967, Scottsdale (AZ) Progress, "Here and…
“The origami shop says business is in creasing”
"Increasing" shouldn't be confused with "in creasing," but there are origami puns. "RT @SpacemanQuisp I think the popularity of origami is in creasing" was posted…
“The past is your lesson. The present is your gift. The future is your motivation”
"The past is your lesson. The present is your gift. The future is your motivation" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on June…
“The path of inner peace begins with four words: not my fucking problem”
"The path of/to inner peace begins with four words: not my fucking problem" (or "The path to inner peace begins with three words" not my problem") is a saying that has been…
“The path to inner peace begins with 3 words: not my problem”
"The path of/to inner peace begins with four words: not my fucking problem" (or "The path to inner peace begins with three words" not my problem") is a saying that has been…
“The path to inner peace begins with four words: not my fucking problem”
"The path of/to inner peace begins with four words: not my fucking problem" (or "The path to inner peace begins with three words" not my problem") is a saying that has been…
“The path to inner peace begins with three words: not my problem”
"The path of/to inner peace begins with four words: not my fucking problem" (or "The path to inner peace begins with three words" not my problem") is a saying that has been…
“The pathway to glory is strewn with pitfalls and dangers” (Per Ardua ad Astra)
New York author Ingersoll Lockwood (1841-1918), who wrote the books Travels and Adventures of Little Baron Trump and his Wonderful Dog Bulger and 1900, or, The Last President (1896), had renewed…
“The pay stinks, but the benefits are out of this world” (religious work joke)
A popular joke is said about religious work (particularly in Christianity): "The pay stinks, but the benefits are out of this world." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1968…
“The people who write instructions for places like IKEA must be in good shape. All that manual labor”
"Manual labor" (physical work) doesn't involve writing instruction manuals, but there are jokes. "Does writing an instruction book count as manual labor?" was posted on…
“The person I see in the self checkout camera is not who I am in my heart”
No one seems to look good in a store's self checkout camera. This has the reputation for making people look even worse than passport photos or driver's license photos. "I never look…
“The person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it” (success/failure proverb)
"The person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it" is similar to other sayings, such as "if you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there." The…
“The person who invented hand sanitizer must be rubbing their hands together right now”
Coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) increased the sale of hand sanitizer. "The guy/person who invented hand sanitizer must be rubbing his/their hands together now" -- that is, rubbing…
“The pessimist sees an obstacle in every opportunity; the optimist sees an opportunity…”
"The spirit of the optimist to whom every difficulty is an opportunity, and not as the pessimist, to whom every opportunity presents some difficulty" was printed in The Fifty-First Annual…
“The Pharmaceutical industry does not create cures. They create customers”
"The Pharmaceutical industry does not create cures. They create customers" is an anti-Big Pharma saying that has been printed on many images. "The pharmaceutical industry DOES NOT…
“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant”
"The phrase 'working mother' is redundant" means that if a mother doesn't have a job in the workplace, she still works doing cooking, cleaning, shopping, and many other…