“The hardest part of my job is being nice to stupid people”
"The hardest part of my job is being nice to stupid people" and "I'm not qualified to be nice to stupid people" are jocular work sayings that have been printed on many…
“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn”
"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn" is a popular saying that has been printed on posters and ecards. "One of the many difficult decisions…
“The highways of life are full of flat squirrels who couldn’t make up their minds”
"Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“The hours between coffee and wine really are pointless”
"The hours between coffee and wine really are pointless" (or "The hours between coffee and wine really have no purpose") is a saying that has been printed on many images. These…
“The human back is a travesty. Do you have a job where you’re on your feet a lot? Your back hurts now…”
People seem to have back problems, regardless if they have a physical job or a desk job. This was posted on X/Twitter by waluigi simulator (the account is now private) on July 6, 2018, and received…
“The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television”
"The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "The human race is faced with a cruel choice:…
“The IKEA job interviewer said, ‘Welcome! Come in and make a seat’”
"IKEA Job Interview" is the title of a much-reprinted cartoon, cited in print since at least 2006. "Please have a seat." the interviewer says. The interviewee sees the seat…
“The itsy-bitsy paycheck just post to my account. Down came the bills and wiped the money out”
"The itsy-bitsy paycheck just post/posted to my account. Down came the bills and wiped the money out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "The Itsy Bitsy…
“The job requires me to get a potato clock” (get up at eight o’clock)
An old joke has a person seek to purchase a "potato clock" because he or she was told to "get up at eight o'clock." The mondegreen has been cited in print since at least…
“The Kids’ Department Store” (Cookie’s)
Cookie's is "The Kids' Department Store." Cookie's has been around since 1975 and has stores in several boroughs. Cookie's has a large business in school uniforms.…
“The ladder of success is never crowded at the top”
"The ladder of success is never crowded at the top" means something similar to "there's always room at the top" -- for someone who is talented and who works hard, there is…
“The ladder to success” (joke)
The word "success" sounds like "suck Cess." A bawdy joke has a person climb the "ladder to success," only to find a person at the top say, "I'm Cess."…
“The largest room in the world is the room for improvement”
"The largest room in the world, is the 'room for improvement'" is an aphorism that has been cited in print since at least 1862. The authorship of the saying is unknown. 25…
“The last thing I need is a coffin”
The expression "that's the last thing I'll need" usually means that the person has no need for that thing. Jokes about a coffin take the "last thing" literally.…
“The last thing to grow on a fruit tree is the fruit. Stay patient. What you work for will manifest”
"The last thing to grow on a fruit tree is the fruit" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "Not seeing results? Feel like giving up?…
“The Lego store has finally reopened. People are lined up for blocks”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic closed many stores. Lego stores were among the stores that were closed, and a joke went viral at the end of May 2020. "The Lego Store Has Reopened... People…
“The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed”
"Why is it that the less important you are in a company, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed?" was cited in print in 1998. "Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The…
“The local Goodwill burned down last night. A person died from second-hand smoke”
Goodwill Industries is a second-hand store. It doesn't necessarily have second-hand smoke, but there are jokes. "Fire guts warehouse, parked Goodwill trucks in San Francisco. Firefighters…
“The local vampire social club is constantly getting bigger. They’re always looking for new blood”
"vampires have the most active club. They're always looking for new blood" is a vampire joke that was posted on X/Twitter by peterkidder on December 4, 2013. "I'm thinking…
“The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5”
"The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5" -- that is, the five days of Monday through Friday -- is a jocular saying that…