“Optometrists live longer because they dilate”
"Optometrists live longer because they dilate" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Dilate" is a pun on "die late." The joke has been cited in…
“Ordered stuff using my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg”
Some people get the cards in their wallet mixed up. "I was soooo pissed I went to call a cab from the phone box and put in me donor card instead of me phone card.....cost me an arm and a…
“Origami is the new woodworking”
Origami is the art of paper folding. A one-line saying was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on December 10, 2019: "Technically, origami is a kind of woodworking." "Origami is the…
“Orthodontists are going on strike. Brace yourself!”
"Brace yourself" doesn't mean to put braces on your own teeth, but there are jokes. "Dentists are going on strike...brace yourselves" was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot…
“Orthodontists are going on strike. Brace yourselves!”
"Brace yourself" doesn't mean to put braces on your own teeth, but there are jokes. "Dentists are going on strike...brace yourselves" was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot…
“Our aim is to keep this restroom clean. Your aim will help” (men’s restroom sign)
A jocular sign placed near the urinals in many men's restrooms is: "Our aim is to keep this restroom clean. Your aim will help." "Our aim is to keep this place clean: your aim…
“Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind”
"Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "You will be happier if…
“Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth—a sense of humor”
"Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth -- a sense of humor" is a saying that has been printed on many images. William Arthur Ward (1921-1994) wrote the saying, which appears in…
“Our food is fresh. Our customers are spoiled.” (FreshDirect)
FreshDirect delivers food right to your door. You wouldn't think that a company like that could make money in New York City - anyone remember Kosmo.com and Urbanfetch? Isn't there some…
“Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job. Now he’s just a handyman”
A "handyman" usually has legs as well as hands, but this joke was posted on Twitter by PunTato on October 3, 2015: "Our maintenance guy lost his leg while he was on a job... now he`s…
“Our most important assets go home every night” (employee-intensive business slogan)
"Our most important assets go home every night" is what a labor-intensive company's executive might say. The saying has long been popular in Hollywood, where a studio's greatest…
“Our office just got a new conference table—it sleeps 16”
Workers often mentally fall asleep at some board meetings, prompting the joke: "Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 16." "Our office just bought a new conference…
“Out of my mind—back in five minutes” (office door sign)
"Out of my mind -- back in five minutes" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, bumper stickers and T-shirts. It's a humorous variation of the…
“Outside is expensive. Lock us back up!” (after quarantine)
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in lockdowns/quarantines. When people went outside again, some were shocked at how expensive it was. "i havent been out in soooo long i forgot how…
“Over 18 Miles of Books” (Strand Book Store)
The Strand Book Store (the main location is Broadway and 12th Street) claims that it has "18 miles of books." It used to claim that it had "8 miles of books." That's a lot…
“Overslept this morning, was late getting to the living room”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic cancelled work for many people, and they stayed at home. "This morning I overslept and I was late to the living room. I gotta do better tomorrow" was…
“Owning a funeral home means you go back to work after you die”
"Owning a funeral home means you go back to work after you die" was cited on Reddit's Shower Thoughts on January 4. 2016. But do you really go back to work at the funeral home or do…
“P.M.A. (Positive Mental Attitude)—I’m positive, I’m mental and I know I have attitude!”
"I have P.M.A. (Positive Mental Attitude) -- I'm positive, I'm mental and I know I have attitude!" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I have a positive…
“Pakistanis can’t play soccer well because every time they get a corner, they open a shop”
People from Pakistan and India (and other nationalities) have reputations for opening businesses, but not being very good at soccer. A riddle is: Q: Why doesn't Pakistan have an international…
“Paper or plastic?”/“Either. I’m bisacksual.”
A cashier often gives a customer a choice of bags and asks, “Paper or plastic?” A joke is: CASHIER: Paper or plastic?CUSTOMER: Either. I'm bisacksual/bisacktual. "When they ask…