“If I invest in a butcher shop, does that make me a steakholder?”
"Stakeholder" shouldn't be confused with "steakholder," but there are jokes. This was posted on X/Twitter by LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More on May 5, 2025: "If I…
“If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel”
Some people procrastinate a lot. A joke was posted on Twitter by Phil Plait on February 11, 2013: "If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel."…
“If I want to hang out with you after my 8+ hour shifts, just know you’re special to me”
"If I want to hang out with you after my 8+ hour shifts, just know you’re special to me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. After a long day of work, most people just…
“If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t quit my job. I’d just act like an asshole until they fired me”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the lottery, I’d still keep my job so that I could act like a complete asshole until I’m fired”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the lottery, I’d still keep my job so that I could be insufferably obnoxious until I’m fired”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the lotto, I’d still keep my job so that I could act like a complete asshole until I’m fired”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the Powerball, I’d still keep my job so that I could act like a complete asshole until I’m fired”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If it doesn’t apply, let it fly” (“If it don’t apply, let it fly”)
"If it don't apply, let it fly" ("If it doesn't apply, let it fly") is an expression that has been printed on several images. The saying means to let go things that…
“If it doesn’t bring you income, inspiration or orgasms, it doesn’t belong in your life”
"If it doesn't bring you income, inspiration or orgasms, it doesn't belong in your life" is a saying that has been printed on many images Authorship is uncertain. "If it…
“If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door”
"If it doesn't open, it's not your door" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "It is only a door. If it doesn't open, it is not your door.…
“If it don’t apply, let it fly” (“If it doesn’t apply, let it fly”)
"If it don't apply, let it fly" ("If it doesn't apply, let it fly") is an expression that has been printed on several images. The saying means to let go things that…
“If it is to be, it is up to me”
"If it is to be, it is up to me" is an motivational saying that has been printed on posters. The saying has been cited in print since at least 1959 and is of unknown authorship.…
“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done”
"If it wasn't/weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, mugs and T-shirts. "If it…
“If it’s free, it’s advice; if you pay for it, it’s counseling”
"If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle" is a jocular line of uncertain authorship. The saying was…
“If it’s free, it’s for me”
Retailers know that consumers love free stuff. "If it's free, it's for me" is a popular consumer saying. "If it's free, it's for me" has been cited in print…
“If it’s important to you, you’ll find a way: if not, you’ll find an excuse”
"If it's important to you, you'll find a way: if not, you'll find an excuse" has been printed on many posters. The saying is often credited to American motivational speaker…
“If it’s in stock, we have it” (store sign)
"If it's in stock, we have it" is a jocular store saying that has been printed on many images. "If it's in stock we have it, and if we ain't got it, you don't…
“If it’s not Valentine’s Day and you see a man in a flower shop, ask ‘What did you do?’”
A popular joke about Valentine's Day is: "If it is not Valentine’s day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you…