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March 13, 2020
Work/Businesses

“If a morgue worker dies they’d still need to come in to work one more time”

a joke about the job of a morgue worker was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on March 11, 2020: "If a morgue worker dies they'd still need to come in to work one more time." Reddit…

August 10, 2020
Work/Businesses

“If a supervisor at work gets the covid, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested?”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic affected workplaces -- even butt-kissers. "If a supervisor at work gets COVID, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested? Asking for a friend"…

April 25, 2012
Work/Businesses

“If a train station is where a train stops, then what’s a workstation?” (joke)

"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station." This joke (a work station is where work stops?) has been cited in print…

September 8, 2017
Work/Businesses

“If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success”

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" is a classic question. "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then my…

November 28, 2012
Work/Businesses

“If all is not lost, where is it?”

"If all is not lost, (then) where is it?" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, buttons and T-shirts. The saying has been cited in print…

March 16, 2024
Work/Businesses

“If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something please let me know”

"If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything please let me know" (or "If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something please let me…

March 16, 2024
Work/Businesses

“If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything please let me know”

"If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything please let me know" (or "If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something please let me…

March 26, 2018
Work/Businesses

“If anyone tells you your dreams are silly, there’s a millionaire who invented the pool noodle”

"If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle" is a jocular line that has been printed on several…

September 10, 2016
Work/Businesses

“If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport”

"If assholes/idiots could fly, this place would be an airport" is a saying that has been printed on many images The saying reflects many workers' opinions of their workplaces.…

August 6, 2024
Work/Businesses

“If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

June 18, 2023
Work/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, call dad”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

May 31, 2018
Work/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

August 26, 2012
Work/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

July 4, 2018
Work/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

August 30, 2012
Work/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

May 22, 2024
Government/Law/Military/Religion /HealthWork/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, reward failure by throwing more money at it.—The Government”

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace “try, try again.” "If at first you…

June 5, 2025
Food/DrinkWork/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, try a gin”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

September 8, 2012
Work/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, try management”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

January 3, 2017
Work/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

June 5, 2025
Food/DrinkWork/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try a gin”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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