“If at first you don’t succeed, we have a lot in common”
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…
“If at first you don’t succeed, you’re running about average”
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…
“If at first you don’t succeed, drink whiskey. You’ll be amazed how little you care”
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…
“If being in space for 3 minutes makes you an astronaut, then I’m a proctologist”
Blue Origin NS-31 was a sub-orbital spaceflight on April 14, 2025. It lasted only about 15 minutes, but the crew members were called "astronauts." This was posted on X/Twitter by Jeremy…
“If by living the American dream you mean paycheck to paycheck then yes I am”
"If by living the American dream you mean paycheck to paycheck then yes I am" is a saying that has been printed on an ecard. The saying was posted on Twitter by Drunk N Naughty on…
“If caught sleeping, slowly raise your head from your desk and say, ‘In Jesus’ name, Amen’”
"If caught sleeping, slowly raise your head from your desk and say, 'In Jesus name, Amen'" is a jocular work tip that has been printed on many images. The joke has been cited in…
“If Columbus had had an advisory committee he would probably still be at the dock”
A statement against committees was published in a February 1962 newspaper: "Secretary of Labor Goldberg, always a free-wheeling operator, frets over the time-consuming committees which have…
“If DEI is a good thing, why do they get upset when you call someone a DEI hire?”
In July 2024, U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris replaced President Joe Biden on the Democrat ticket for President for the 2024 election. Some Republicans called her a "DEI hire," and…
“If every book is a #1 New York Times best seller, which books are the number 2?”
The New York (NY) Times has a Book Review section, and it has had a weekly best seller list since October 12, 1931. There are many categories. For many people who buy books, it often seems that…
“If experience was so important, we’d never have had anyone walk on the moon”
"If experience was so important, we'd never have had anyone walk on the moon" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Doug Rader, a manager for the San Diego Padres Class…
“If Friday had a face, I would kiss it”
"If Friday had a face, I would kiss it" is a Friday (often the end of the work week) saying that has been printed on many images. "Yay it's Friday! If Friday had a face I would…
“If going to space for 3 minutes makes you an astronaut, then I’m a gynecologist”
Blue Origin NS-31 was a sub-orbital spaceflight on April 14, 2025. It lasted only about 15 minutes, but the crew members were called "astronauts." This was posted on X/Twitter by Jeremy…
“If going to space for 3 minutes makes you an astronaut, then I’m a urologist”
Blue Origin NS-31 was a sub-orbital spaceflight on April 14, 2025. It lasted only about 15 minutes, but the crew members were called "astronauts." This was posted on X/Twitter by Jeremy…
“If I could sell just one…” (”$30,000 pencil” sales joke)
A popular sales story is told about a beggar selling pencils on a sidewalk -- for $30,000 a pencil. A man walks buy and tells him that no one will buy a pencil for that price. "Probably…
“If I died and went to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work”
"If I died and went to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore" is an anti-work saying that has been printed on may images. "If I died and went…
“If I donate my urine, is that an act of philanthropee?”
"Philanthropy" has nothing to do with "pee," but there are jokes. "Philanthropee: Public urination" was posted on Twitter by Bae-anca on May 8, 2013. "If I donate…
“If I had an hour to solve a problem, I would spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: Talk:Albert EinsteinIf I had only one hour to save the world, I would spend fifty-five minutes defining the problem, and only five minutes finding the…
“If I had laser hair, I would never get that shit removed”
"Laser hair removal" is the process of hair removal with laser light. It is not the removal of "laser hair," but there are jokes. "If I had laser hair, I wouldn't have…
“If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend the first four of them sharpening my axe”
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) is often quoted for having said, "If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six sharpening my axe." The hours vary (usually it's given as…
“If I heard the Mario coin sound whenever I completed a task, maybe I’d accomplish more”
The "Mario coin sound" is familiar to Mario video gamers. They hear that sound when a task is successfully accomplished. "if i heard the mario coin sound whenever i completed a task…