“I’m here experiencing life at a rate of several WTFs per hour”
"I am currently experiencing life at a rate of several WTFS per hour" (WTF = What The Fuck) is a saying that has been printed on many images. There are several minor variations. "is…
“I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called linkedout”
LinkedIn is an American business and employment-oriented social networking service website. THere is no LinkedOut for unemployed or retired people, but there are jokes. "In these rough…
“I’m late for work because I got drunk last night and set my calculator for $5.30”
"I’m late for work because I got drunk last night and set my calculator for $5.30" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Im Late For My studio session Because…
“I’m mad fake at work I be saying shit like ‘alrighty’”
Many people act fake at work, pretending to be pleasant and agreeable with co-workers. "I'm so fake at work. I honestly don't give two fucks about how your days been going smh"…
“I’m not a competitive person. I’m always the first to admit it”
"I'm not a competitive person... I'll be the first to admit it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm not a competitive person.... I'll…
“I’m not saying we should skip work today and drink margaritas and eat chips and salsa all day, but I’m not, not saying that either”
"I’m not saying we should skip work today and drink margaritas and eat chips and salsa all day, but I’m not, not saying that either" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I’m not super useful until I’ve had coffee, then I get jittery followed by a caffeine crash…”
A joke about work was posted on X/Twitter by @dad_hard on February 15, 2023: "I’m not super useful until I’ve had coffee, then I get jittery followed by a caffeine crash. At 11 I’m too…
“I’m offended by bills, can we cancel them!? Isn’t that how it works now?”
A jocular statement on cancel culture was posted on Facebook by Chewy Smalls on March 2, 2021: "I’m offended by bills, can we cancel them!?Isn’t that how it works now?" Wikipedia:…
“I’m planning on starting a jewellery business. If you want to help, give me a ring”
"Give me a ring" usually means a telephone ring and not a diamond ring, but there are jokes. "Planning to start a jewellery business. If you want to help, give me a ring" was…
“I’m proud of my job as a podium salesman. It’s a product I can stand behind”
Several jokes state that a podium is a product that a salesman can stand behind. However, you stand on a podium, and you stand behind a lectern. "It must really suck to be a podium salesman.…
“I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists”
For some people, a "to-do list" is a short list of things that they wish to do, but will not. "I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists" was posted on…
“I’m so fake at work I say things like, ‘hi, how are you?’”
Many people act fake at work, pretending to be pleasant and agreeable with co-workers. "I'm so fake at work. I honestly don't give two fucks about how your days been going smh"…
“I’m sorry but the scholastic book fair did not inspire a love of reading it created my love of shopping”
Schools often sponsor a scholastic book fair. This comment was posted on X/Twitter by Adam on September 15, 2024, and it received over 313,000 likes: "i’m sorry but the scholastic book fair…
“I’ve got a new job writing instruction booklets. It’s mainly manual labor”
"Manual labor" (physical work) doesn't involve writing instruction manuals, but there are jokes. "Does writing an instruction book count as manual labor?" was posted on…
“I’ve tasted unemployment and I’ve tasted the 9-5 life. I would recommend not being born”
"I've tasted unemployment and I've tasted 9-5. I recomment not being born" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The choices between not working at all and…
“Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Don MarquisDonald Robert Perry Marquis (/ˈmɑːrkwɪs/ mar-kwis; July 29, 1878 in Walnut, Illinois – December 29, 1937 in New York City) was a humorist,…
“If ‘Plan A’ doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters”
If "Plan A" (the first option) doesn't work, people either quit or move on to "Plan B" (the second option). "If 'Plan A' didn't/doesn't work,…
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign”
"A cluttered up desk is the sign of a cluttered up mind" has been cited in print since at least 1947. "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty…
“If a listener nods his head when you’re explaining your program, wake him up”
"If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up" is a jocular one-line saying written by American computer scientist Alan Jay Perlis (1922-1990) in his…
“If a manager at work gets the covid, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic affected workplaces -- even butt-kissers. "If a supervisor at work gets COVID, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested? Asking for a friend"…