“I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas”
"I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Boldomatic on June 20, 2013.…
“I think we need to stop calling it ‘working from home’ and start calling it ‘living at work’”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…
“I think you press ‘0’ to be connected with customer service because that’s the amount of help”
Many companies have the "press 0" telephone option to speak to a live representative. Kent Graham posted on Twitter on September 4, 2014: "I think you press '0' to be…
“I thought about becoming a psychic, but I didn’t know what people would think”
The psychic profession has its share of jokes. "I thought about becoming a psychic, but couldn't see any future in it" was cited in print in March 2009. "I thought about…
“I thought training as an airport baggage handler would be easy, but actually there’s a lot to take on board”
The expression "a lot to take on board" means that there's a lot to consider (or learn or do), but a joke takes this expression literally. "Started a new job as a airport…
“I told a joke on a Zoom call today and no one laughed. I guess I’m not remotely funny”
Zoom video communications became popular in 2020 during the coronavirus pandemic. Some people told jokes on Zoom calls. "I told a joke on a Zoom call today and no one laughed. I guess I'm…
“I told my boss I needed a pay raise. I said that three other companies are after me” (joke)
There's an old joke about an employee asking for a raise: EMPLOYEE: I need a pay raise, sir. Three companies are after me!BOSS: What companies?EMPLOYEE: The gas company, the water company and…
“I told my hot coworker how I felt and she felt the same way. So I turned on the air conditioning”
A "hot co-worker" is sometimes just hot. "Told hot coworker how I felt and she felt the same way. I opened the window" was posted on Twitter by Alexander Gibbons on April 4,…
“I took my dead cat to a taxidermist, but they stuffed the wrong end. It was a cat-ass-trophy”
"Catastrophe" shouldn't be confused with "cat ass trophy," but there are jokes. "I thought a catastrophe was when the taxidermist stuffed the wrong end ofthat cougar…
“I took out a loan to go to school so I could get a job to pay off my school loans”
School loans can feel like years of poverty. "I’m so glad I went to school and studied hard so I could get a good job and pay off my student loans and 10 years later...still feel poor…
“I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either”
"Batteries not included" is a famous line that is associated with many products. "I (totally) understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely (ever) included in things…
“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life”
"I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Hey , i tried to be normal once.. worst 15 seconds of my life…
“I tried to go to a moving sale today, but I couldn’t catch up to it”
A "moving sale" isn't a sale that constantly moves. It's a sale where the owner of the house is moving, or the business is moving, and things need to be sold. However, there are…
“I tried to walk into a Target, but I missed”
A joke about Target stores was told by American stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) and has been printed on many images: "I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the…
“I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired”
A racial joke about employment has been told by stand-up comedian Larry the Cable Guy since at least 2005: "I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired." The joke is that…
“I used to be a shoe salesman, but they gave me the boot”
A pun about working as a shoe salesman is: "I used to be a shoe salesman, but they gave me the boot." "I worked in a shoe store, but they gave me the boot" was posted to the…
“I used to be a trapeze artist, but I was let go”
"I once had a job with the circus as a trapeze artist, but I was let go" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Ken3ie 5trick|and on May 19, 2009. "Stewart Francis - 'I was a…
“I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure”
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in print since at least 1980. 25 October 1980,…
“I used to care what other people thought until I tried to pay my bills with their opinions”
"I used to care what other people thought about me, until one day, I tried to pay my bills with their opinions" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“I used to have a riding academy, but business kept falling off”
"I used to have a riding academy, but business kept falling off" is a horse joke that was printed in the book Milton Berle's Private Joke File (1989) by Milton Berle. "I used to…