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October 14, 2025
Education/SchoolsExercise/Running/Health ClubsWork/Businesses

“I realized school was a joke when my business teacher didn’t own a business and my PE teacher couldn’t pass their own fitness test”

"I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn't own a business, and my PE teacher was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words, the teachers…

August 21, 2017
Work/Businesses

“I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I’m now the main stake holder”

A joke on the term "stakeholder" is: "I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I'm now the main stake holder." The joke was posted on Sickipedia and Twitter on…

March 28, 2022
Work/Businesses

“I recently joined a support group for people who talk a lot. We call ourselves On and On Anon”

"'I talk too much,' Evan Davis admitted. 'I've joined a self-help group called On-and-On-Anon. Our meetings go forever'" was printed in the Lansing (MI) State…

June 24, 2022
Work/Businesses

“I recently passed a drug test, which is weird because I don’t recall eating one”

"@AuburnJokes: An Auburn player recently passed a drug test. Which was strange because he didn't remember eating one" was posted on Twitter by Michael D'Elia on April 29, 2012.…

February 22, 2021
Work/Businesses

“I refuse to work with compost. It’s degrading”

"I refuse to work with compost, it's degrading..." is a jocular line that was posted on Twitter by Martin ‘Vaccinated’ Williams on May 2, 2014. "I refuse to work with…

September 25, 2024
Food/DrinkWork/Businesses

“I respect people who leave the office for lunch every day.  It takes a strong person to go back to work twice in one day”

Many workers leave their office for lunch. "People who leave the office for lunch have some crazy discipline bc I would simply ✨not come back✨" was posted on X/Twitter by Katie ☾ on…

January 24, 2026
Time/WeatherWork/Businesses

“I said to my boss ‘Do you mind if I leave a bit earlier today?’ ‘Only if you can make up the time,’ he replied…”

When an employee has to "make up the time," that means, for example, staying late until a job is done. It doesn't mean making up a fictional time, but there are jokes. "I asked…

January 6, 2023
Work/Businesses

“I said to my boss the other day, ‘I need to leave early today, I’m going to be a father!’” (joke)

"I said to my boss the other day, 'I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!'" is the start of a joke that has been told on Reddit -- Jokes since November 27,…

November 30, 2025
Sports/GamesWork/Businesses

“I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled parking space outside work this morning. I thought to myself, ‘I wonder what his handicap is?’”

A personal disability (or handicap) is different from a golf handicap, but there are jokes. "i saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled parking space outside work this morning.i thought to…

January 21, 2025
Sports/GamesWork/Businesses

“I saw a sticker in the sports shop saying ‘Trampolines Half Price.’ I jumped on the offer”

To "jump" at an offer is to accept it quickly, before it expires or is taken by someone else. No actually jumping is usually involved, but there are jokes. "A trampoline was selling…

November 16, 2024
Work/Businesses

“I saw an ad for a coffin and I thought., ‘That’s the last thing I need’”

The expression "that's the last thing I'll need" usually means that the person has no need for that thing. Jokes about a coffin take the "last thing" literally.…

November 16, 2024
Work/Businesses

“I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, that’s the last thing I need”

The expression "that's the last thing I'll need" usually means that the person has no need for that thing. Jokes about a coffin take the "last thing" literally.…

May 11, 2025
Work/Businesses

“I see it. I like it. I want it. I check the price. I put it back”

"I see it. I like it. I want it. I check the price (tag). I put it back" is a shopping saying that has been printed on many images."I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it" is…

January 11, 2026
Food/DrinkWork/Businesses

“I should quit my job to focus on cooking dinner”

Dinner takes a lot of effort to prepare, and having a job can conflict with this. "Might quit my job to focus on cooking dinner every day for the rest of my life" was posted on X/Twitter…

November 25, 2022
Work/Businesses

“I skip Black Friday because my hatred of mankind outweighs my love for stuff”

"I skip Black Friday because my hatred of mankind outweighs my love for stuff" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Many people try to avoid the Black Friday shopping…

April 27, 2025
Work/Businesses

“I sometimes wonder if my phone call has ever been used for quality or training purposes”

A business often states that a phone conversation with a customer may be recorded and used for training or quality purposes. "Sometimes I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for…

February 22, 2020
Work/Businesses

“I start my new job as an apprentice bell ringer. Someone will be showing me the ropes”

To "show someone the ropes" is an expression that began on sailing ships. The literal ropes are usually a metaphor in this common work expression, but there are bell ringer jokes.…

September 18, 2017
Work/Businesses

“I started a business that sells fertilizer. You could say I’m an entre-manure”

An "entremanure" (entrepreneur + manure) is someone who makes money from manure -- usually from its use as fertilizer. "Entremanure" has been cited in print since at least 1985,…

September 26, 2017
Work/Businesses

“I started a cold air balloon business, but I’m having trouble getting it off the ground”

Start-up businesses try to get "off the ground," but usually not literally. A joke was posted on AnimalJokes.co.uk in 2003: "Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air…

August 20, 2017
Work/Businesses

“I stole the car because I had to get to work” (joke)

A joke about a man who steals a car to get to work is: JUDGE: Why did you steal the car? MAN: I had to get to work.JUDGE: Why didn't you take the bus? MAN: I don't have a driver's…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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