“I want to open a two dollar store for people that enjoy the finer things”
What's classier than a dollar store? "I want to open a two dollar store for people that enjoy the finer things" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images.…
“I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment”
A stenography pun is: "I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment." The "short-handed" joke has been cited in print since at least…
“I wanted to do panic buying, I checked my account… I can only panic”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying in many stores. "U can only panic buy if ur loaded. I won't be panic buying" was posted on Twitter by jacqueline shirley on…
“I wanted to do some panic buying today, but after checking my bank account all I can do is panic”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying in many stores. "U can only panic buy if ur loaded. I won't be panic buying" was posted on Twitter by jacqueline shirley on…
“I wanted to give a fuck today, but it clashes with my outfit”
"I wanted to give a fuck today, but it clashes with my outfit" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I wanted to give a fuck today but it clashes with my…
“I wanted to place a bid at the silent auction, but it was not aloud”
A joke about a silent auction was posted on the website Pun of the Day on May 20, 2018: "I wanted to bid at the silent auction, but it was not aloud." The bid was not "aloud" (a…
“I was a rubbish church window cleaner. I got rid of all the stains”
Many churches have stained windows. "I was a rubbish church window cleaner. I got rid of all the stains" was printed in The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book (2010) by English writer,…
“I was dismissed from my job as an apprentice executioner because I just couldn’t get the hang of it”
Some people who work or who go to school can't "get the hang of it" (understand it). This expression usually has nothing to do with hanging, but there are jokes. "Why was the…
“I was fired from my job yesterday for being a pervert. I don’t understand; I’m always hard at work”
"Hard at work" is a saying that can also have a sexual connotation. "I got fired from my job as a porn actor because i wasnt always hard at work" was posted on Twitter on August…
“I was fired from the keyboard factory today. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts”
There is a pun about work "shifts." "I got fired for putting in extra shifts at work. It's what you get for working in a keyboard factory" was posted on Twitter on March…
“I was given a book the other day on anger management. I lost it”
"I was given a book the other day on anger management. I lost it" is a jocular saying -- the "it" can refer to a lost book or a lost anger -- that has been printed on several…
“I was going to make a joke about carpentry, but can’t think of any that wood work”
"Woodwork" sounds like "would work." "I'd also tell a joke about carpentry but I'm not sure it woodwork" was posted on Twitter by Amarachi on April 14, 2015.…
“I was thinking about starting an awning company, but that’s a pretty shady business to get into”
There are several jokes that making awnings is a "shady" business. "Because a man makes awnings it doesn't always follow that he is engaged in a shady business" was printed…
“I wasn’t surprised when I was fired from my graffiti removal job. I saw the writing on the wall”
Many employees see "the writing on the wall" at their places of employment, an idiom meaning that the employment situation might be ending soon. A joke takes the idiom literally. "my…
“i wasn’t made to work a 9-5, i was made to swim in turquoise waters, eat fruit, and paint in a villa by the sea”
"i wasn’t made to work a 9-5, i was made to swim in turquoise waters, eat fruit, and paint in a villa by the sea" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is an…
“I wasn’t sure whether I should get into the human trafficking business. But now I’m sold”
The expression "I'm sold" is usually not taken literally, but there are puns. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 13, 2017: "I wasn’t sure about getting involved in…
“I went for a job as a contortionist. They asked, ‘How flexible are you?’” (joke)
A person can be physically flexible, and the person's schedule can also be flexible. There are several jokes. "So I said to the Gym instructor 'Can you teach me to do the…
“I went for a job at a suntan lotion factory. I didn’t get it, but I’m going to reapply”
"I applied for a job at a sunscreen factory. Unfortunately, I didn't get it. No worries. I'm going to re-apply" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Kim Harman on September…
“I went to a really bad manicure competition yesterday. It was nail-biting”
"Nail-biting" means something that causes anxiety or suspense. This doesn't usually involve actual nail biting, but there are manicure joke. "Just been at the manicure would…
“I went to a smoke shop, but it had been replaced by an apparel store. Clothes, but no cigar”
"Close, but no cigar" is a popular expression that has been the subject of several puns. "I asked my grandmother for "something Cuban" for my birthday, and she got me a Che…