“I joined a dating site for arsonists. I got a match straight away”
"is match.com a dating site for arsonists?" is a jocular question that was posted on Twitter by peedrinkingcrapface on February 6, 2010. "Match.com ... is that a dating site for…
“I just bought a jar of transparent insects. I got them at a clear-ants sale”
A "clearance" sale shouldn't be confused with a "clear ants" sale, but there are jokes. "My local shop are now selling transparent insects! There having a clear ants…
“I just bought a new answering machine. What should I ask it?”
A telephone "answering machine" does not answer questions, but there are jokes. "I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it???" was posted on Twitter by Labyrinth…
“I just bought one of those real life sex dolls and she’s so realistic she just wants to be friends”
Some men are so unfortunate that they can't get lucky with a sex doll. "I'm terrible with women. Even my sex doll only wants to be friends" was posted on Twitter by Hasan LaLa…
“I just flew in from a Transformers convention. And boy, my arms are tires”
“I just flew in and boy, are my arms tired!” is a very old joke (1940s). The arms are tired from flapping so much (like a bird's wings). Transformers arms are actual tires, and there are…
“I just found out it doesn’t matter how early I go to sleep I just don’t want to go to work”
"I just found out it doesn't matter how early I go to sleep I just don't want to go to work" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, even if the speaker gets…
“I just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock…” (joke)
A cuckoo clock often features a figure that comes out of a house to strike the hour. A cuckoo clock joke was posted on Twitter on December 10, 2010: "I've got a job working in a full size…
“I just got done working all night, and I am ready to call it a day”
"I just got done working all night, and I am ready to call it a day" is a seemingly contradictory saying about working during the night. "Been working all night on the…
“I just got fired from a florist. Apparently I took too many leaves”
"Leaves of absence" are not like the leaves on a plant, but there are jokes. "I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves" was posted on Twitter by Funny…
“I just got hired at the yacht store. They made me the sails manager”
"Sales manager" shouldn't be confused with "sails manager," but there are jokes. "YES! Just been hired as a sails manager at the yacht club 🚣" was posted on…
“I just joined a dating site for arsonists. Still waiting for a match”
"is match.com a dating site for arsonists?" is a jocular question that was posted on Twitter by peedrinkingcrapface on February 6, 2010. "Match.com ... is that a dating site for…
“I just lost my job as a zookeeper…” (joke)
Zoo signs such as "Do not feed the animals" are for the public and not for zoo staff, but there are jokes. "I was always one to follow the rules...at the zoo the sign said don't…
“I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do”
"I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do" is a jocular line -- the joke is that the "drugs" the dealer sold weren't legit -- that has been…
“I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager”
Walmart stores promote self-checkouts, and many customers need assistance. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by mark on August 21, 2014: "I just used the self checkout in Walmart without…
“I just won a reward for most secretive person in the office” (joke)
"I've just won the 'Most secretive person 2013' award. I can't tell you how much it means to me. #sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia Official on July 11,…
“I keep trying to buy a grocery checkout divider, but the cashier keeps putting it back”
How can one buy a supermarket divider? The cashier keeps putting it back! "I keep trying to buy the little divider thing at the check stand and the cashier keeps putting it back. Stuck in a…
“I keep trying to remember to buy new Post-It notes, but I don’t have anything to remind me”
Post-It notes are reminders, but when they run out, how does someone remember to buy more? "I keep forgetting to buy new Post-its because I have nothing left I can use to remind me to buy new…
“I kinda wish Dolly sang 10-2 instead”
"9 to 5" is a 1980 song written and recorded by American entertainer Dolly Parton
“I kinda wish Dolly sang 10-3 instead”
"9 to 5" is a 1980 song written and recorded by American entertainer Dolly Parton
“I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat”
"I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn't own a business, and my PE teacher was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words, the teachers…