“I just got fired from a florist. Apparently I took too many leaves”
"Leaves of absence" are not like the leaves on a plant, but there are jokes. "I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves" was posted on Twitter by Funny…
“I just got hired at the yacht store. They made me the sails manager”
"Sales manager" shouldn't be confused with "sails manager," but there are jokes. "YES! Just been hired as a sails manager at the yacht club 🚣" was posted on…
“I just joined a dating site for arsonists. Still waiting for a match”
"is match.com a dating site for arsonists?" is a jocular question that was posted on Twitter by peedrinkingcrapface on February 6, 2010. "Match.com ... is that a dating site for…
“I just lost my job as a zookeeper…” (joke)
Zoo signs such as "Do not feed the animals" are for the public and not for zoo staff, but there are jokes. "I was always one to follow the rules...at the zoo the sign said don't…
“I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do”
"I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do" is a jocular line -- the joke is that the "drugs" the dealer sold weren't legit -- that has been…
“I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager”
Walmart stores promote self-checkouts, and many customers need assistance. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by mark on August 21, 2014: "I just used the self checkout in Walmart without…
“I just won a reward for most secretive person in the office” (joke)
"I've just won the 'Most secretive person 2013' award. I can't tell you how much it means to me. #sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia Official on July 11,…
“I keep trying to buy a grocery checkout divider, but the cashier keeps putting it back”
How can one buy a supermarket divider? The cashier keeps putting it back! "I keep trying to buy the little divider thing at the check stand and the cashier keeps putting it back. Stuck in a…
“I keep trying to remember to buy new Post-It notes, but I don’t have anything to remind me”
Post-It notes are reminders, but when they run out, how does someone remember to buy more? "I keep forgetting to buy new Post-its because I have nothing left I can use to remind me to buy new…
“I kinda wish Dolly sang 10-2 instead”
"9 to 5" is a 1980 song written and recorded by American entertainer Dolly Parton
“I kinda wish Dolly sang 10-3 instead”
"9 to 5" is a 1980 song written and recorded by American entertainer Dolly Parton
“I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat”
"I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn't own a business, and my PE teacher was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words, the teachers…
“I knew school was a scam when my business teacher never owned a business”
"I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn't own a business, and my PE teacher was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words, the teachers…
“I knew the psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check”
"I knew the psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check" is a joke that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker wrote a check on insufficient funds, but the psychic…
“I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work”
"I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work" is a jokes that has been printed on several iamges. "I know a lot of jokes about retired people. But none of them…
“I know an introverted entrepreneur in the coal industry. He mined his own business”
"Mind your business" shouldn't be confused with "mined your business," but there are jokes. "I sell coal for a living because I took everyone's advice and mined…
“I learn from the mistakes of people who take my advice”
It's an old proverb that people should learn from the mistakes of other people. "I learn from the mistakes of people who take/took my advice" is a jocular saying that has been…
“I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice”
It's an old proverb that people should learn from the mistakes of other people. "I learn from the mistakes of people who take/took my advice" is a jocular saying that has been…
“I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target”
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterYakubu dauda@lakefancyzkI like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target. – Unknown11:44 AM · Apr 24, 2023
“I like to give a percentage of my earnings to Charity…and other strippers”
"Charity" is (or was) a popular stripper name. The Broadway musical Sweet Charity (1966) and its 1969 movie adaptation further popularized the "Charity" name. "I give to…