“I never drive on back roads after smoking marijuana, because it’s not the high way”
A "highway" is not necessarily for people who are "high," but a joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on July 10, 2018: "I never drive on back roads after smoking…
“I never joined the mile-high club because I don’t give a flying fuck”
People who have sex on flying aircraft are said to have joined the "mile-high club." A one-line joke is: "I never joined the mile-high club because I don't give a flying…
“I put my phone on airplane mode. Now it won’t stop calling me Shirley”
The comedy movie Airplane! (1980) has this classic joke: Striker: Surely you can't be serious?Rumack: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. A joke on the term "airplane mode"…
“I quit as a taxi driver. Couldn’t stand all the people talking behind my back”
A taxi joke has the driver quit because people were talking behind his back. "(Mickey -- ed.) Finn crowd-pleases with some classic taxi humour like: 'That's what I hate about this…
“I run on caffeine, grease, loud music and cuss words”
"I run on coffee, chaos and cuss words" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. There have been many "I run on..." variations. "I run on #coffee and cuss…
“I run on diesel, caffeine and cuss words”
"I run on coffee, chaos and cuss words" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. There have been many "I run on..." variations. "I run on #coffee and cuss…
“I saw a bumper sticker saying ‘I am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal’”
"Saw a bumper sticker: 'I am a Veterinarian, that's why I drive like an animal'.Wonder what the sticker on a Gynecologist's car would say?" was posted on Twitter by…
“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting”
"I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting" is a joke that has been printed on several images. "I watched a documentary last night that explained how they…
“I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. It would work much better on the front”
Some people commit suicide by throwing themselves in front of buses. "Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. I couldn't help but think, it would work much better…
“I saw a sign on the train saying, ‘Please give this seat to an elderly person’” (joke)
Some seats on buses and trains -- usually those near the exits -- are suggested for the elderly and disabled. A joke was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia Official on June 2, 2013: "Saw a sign…
“I saw a sign that said ‘falling rocks.’ I tried. It doesn’t”
A "falling rocks" sign is present on some mountain roads. "Rocks" is a noun, but "rocks" as a verb is a popular pun. "I keep seeing all these signs that say…
“I saw a sign: ‘Rest Area 25 Miles.’ That’s pretty big. Some people must be really tired”
"I saw a sign: 'Rest Area 25 Miles.' That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired" is a joke about driving down a highway. The rest area is coming up in 25 miles; it…
“I saw an Amish billboard that said, ‘don’t drink or drive’”
"Don't drink and drive" is a popular saying. "Don't drink or drive" -- with an Amish picture -- is a saying that has been printed on many T-shirts. BustedTees came out…
“I sleep better naked. Why can’t the flight attendant understand this?”
"I sleep better naked. Why can't the flight attendant understand this?" is a jocular saying about sleeping on an airplane that has been printed on many images. "I always sleep…
“I sleep better naked. Why can’t the flight attendants understand this?”
"I sleep better naked. Why can't the flight attendant(s) understand this?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain. "I sleep better…
“I spent $1,000, but the limo had no driver. All that money with nothing to chauffeur it”
"Chauffeur" can sound like "show for." "I hate my job as a personal limo driver. A lot of long hours with nothing to chauffeur it..." was posted on Twitter by 🎗…
“I thought I had found the perfect website to help me with my fear of flying—until it crashed”
A joke about websites and the meaning of "crashing" was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on February 11, 2011: "I thought I'd found the perfect website to help me overcome my…
“I thought training as an airport baggage handler would be easy, but actually there’s a lot to take on board”
The expression "a lot to take on board" means that there's a lot to consider (or learn or do), but a joke takes this expression literally. "Started a new job as a airport…
“I took my car in for a service this morning. I couldn’t get it through the church doors”
When a car is getting "a service," it's not a religious service, but there are jokes. "There was this Manta Driver who wanted to take his car in for a service...Only problem was…
“I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me doing ten below the speed limit…”
A statement about the frustrations of highway driving was posted on X/Twitter by New_England_Dad on September 3, 2021: "I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me…