“I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early”
New York Yankee catcher Yogi Berra is known for his quotations ("Berraisms") as well as his play. The Yankees were playing the Brooklyn Dodgers in the 1947 World Series, and Berra was…
“I know it’s time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it’s a second passenger…”
Many people place a handbag on the empty passenger seat of a car. "I know it’s time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it’s a second passenger who’s not wearing their…
“I know you shouldn’t text and drive but I’ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay”
You shouldn't text while driving. Texting before driving is a different story. A joke is: "I know you shouldn't text and drive but I've only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I…
“I like my coffee like I like my men. Sliding off the roof of my car as I drive away”
"I like my women like I like my coffee" is a meme that has been used on many images. "A Negro comedian pulled this one: 'I like my coffee strong and black -- the same way I like…
“I like my coffee like I like my women. Sliding off the roof of my car as I drive away”
"I like my women like I like my coffee" is a meme that has been used on many images. "A Negro comedian pulled this one: 'I like my coffee strong and black -- the same way I like…
“I love clean airport jokes! They are always doody free”
"Duty free" shouldn't be confused with "doody free," but there are jokes. "I love clean airport jokes! They are always doody free" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I love kindness unless it’s a person at a four way stop waving for me to go when it is clearly their turn”
At a four-way traffic stop, sometimes it's a person's turn to go, but that person waves for another vehicle to go first. This comment was posted on X/Twitter by Simon Holland on July 16,…
“I love you a yacht” (“I love you a whole yacht”)
"I love you a lot," to a boat owner, might be "I love you a yacht." "I love you a yacht" (or "I love you a whole yacht") is a saying that has been printed on…
“I mostly use my driver’s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive”
There's an irony that people use a driver's license to buy alcohol. "I mostly use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive" was posted on Reddit --…
“I need y’all to drive with that same energy you pulled out in front of me with”
"I need y'all to drive with that same energy you pulled out in front of me with" (or "I need you to drive with the same energy you pulled out in front of me with") is a…
“I need you to drive with the same energy you pulled out in front of me with”
"I need y'all to drive with that same energy you pulled out in front of me with" (or "I need you to drive with the same energy you pulled out in front of me with") is a…
“I never drive on back roads after smoking marijuana, because it’s not the high way”
A "highway" is not necessarily for people who are "high," but a joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on July 10, 2018: "I never drive on back roads after smoking…
“I never joined the mile-high club because I don’t give a flying fuck”
People who have sex on flying aircraft are said to have joined the "mile-high club." A one-line joke is: "I never joined the mile-high club because I don't give a flying…
“I put my phone on airplane mode. Now it won’t stop calling me Shirley”
The comedy movie Airplane! (1980) has this classic joke: Striker: Surely you can't be serious?Rumack: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. A joke on the term "airplane mode"…
“I quit as a taxi driver. Couldn’t stand all the people talking behind my back”
A taxi joke has the driver quit because people were talking behind his back. "(Mickey -- ed.) Finn crowd-pleases with some classic taxi humour like: 'That's what I hate about this…
“I run on caffeine, grease, loud music and cuss words”
"I run on coffee, chaos and cuss words" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. There have been many "I run on..." variations. "I run on #coffee and cuss…
“I run on diesel, caffeine and cuss words”
"I run on coffee, chaos and cuss words" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. There have been many "I run on..." variations. "I run on #coffee and cuss…
“I saw a bumper sticker saying ‘I am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal’”
"Saw a bumper sticker: 'I am a Veterinarian, that's why I drive like an animal'.Wonder what the sticker on a Gynecologist's car would say?" was posted on Twitter by…
“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting”
"I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting" is a joke that has been printed on several images. "I watched a documentary last night that explained how they…
“I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. It would work much better on the front”
Some people commit suicide by throwing themselves in front of buses. "Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. I couldn't help but think, it would work much better…