“I have kids. Park too close and I’ll ding your shit” (car sign)
"I have kids. Park too close and I'll ding your shit" is a car sign that has been printed on many images. "Ding your shit" means "door ding your car." "I…
“I have kids. Park too close and they will ding your shit” (car sign)
"I have kids. Park too close and I'll ding your shit" is a car sign that has been printed on many images. "Ding your shit" means "door ding your car." "I…
“I hired a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov”
The radio talk show Car Talk used many funny fictional names. "Ok, another Car Talk fan. The Russian chauffeur is Pickup Andropov" was posted on the newsgroup rec.arts.bonsai on January…
“I just crashed my Kia. Now I have Nokia”
Kia (a car) shouldn't be confused with Nokia (a phone), but there are jokes. "I drove my Kia into a river. Now i have Nokia" was posted on Twitter by Nick Bongston on August 27,…
“I just flew in and boy, are my arms tired!”
"I just flew in from (Chicago, Los Angeles, New York) and boy, are my arms tired!" is a classic joke told by American comedians. That is, the arms had been flapping like a bird's…
“I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower…”
$22 used to fill up a car's gas tank, but not with high gas prices. "I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower but I am trying to stay positive" was…
“I just got a photo from a speed camera through the mail. I sent it back—it’s way too expensive and really bad quality”
When a motorist receives a speed camera photo through the mail, it's a fine. You're not paying all that money for the photo, but there's a popular joke. "I just got a photo from…
“I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?”
"Since I'm going in different time zones and am gaining hours, does that make me a time traveler?" was posted on Twitter on March 29, 2015. "If I keep traveling to different…
“I just realized the paper towels by the gas pump are for wiping away tears after filling your gas”
The paper towels by a gas pump are for cleaning (such as cleaning a windshield, or wiping oil from a dipstick). However, a popular comment (printed on many images) has it that the paper towels are…
“I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me”
"Airplane mode” for a phone or a computer (or similar electronic device) suspends radio-frequency signal transmission by the device, and was originally intended for safe air travel.…
“I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early”
New York Yankee catcher Yogi Berra is known for his quotations ("Berraisms") as well as his play. The Yankees were playing the Brooklyn Dodgers in the 1947 World Series, and Berra was…
“I know it’s time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it’s a second passenger…”
Many people place a handbag on the empty passenger seat of a car. "I know it’s time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it’s a second passenger who’s not wearing their…
“I know you shouldn’t text and drive but I’ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay”
You shouldn't text while driving. Texting before driving is a different story. A joke is: "I know you shouldn't text and drive but I've only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I…
“I like my coffee like I like my men. Sliding off the roof of my car as I drive away”
"I like my women like I like my coffee" is a meme that has been used on many images. "A Negro comedian pulled this one: 'I like my coffee strong and black -- the same way I like…
“I like my coffee like I like my women. Sliding off the roof of my car as I drive away”
"I like my women like I like my coffee" is a meme that has been used on many images. "A Negro comedian pulled this one: 'I like my coffee strong and black -- the same way I like…
“I love kindness unless it’s a person at a four way stop waving for me to go when it is clearly their turn”
At a four-way traffic stop, sometimes it's a person's turn to go, but that person waves for another vehicle to go first. This comment was posted on X/Twitter by Simon Holland on July 16,…
“I love you a yacht” (“I love you a whole yacht”)
"I love you a lot," to a boat owner, might be "I love you a yacht." "I love you a yacht" (or "I love you a whole yacht") is a saying that has been printed on…
“I mostly use my driver’s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive”
There's an irony that people use a driver's license to buy alcohol. "I mostly use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive" was posted on Reddit --…
“I need y’all to drive with that same energy you pulled out in front of me with”
"I need y'all to drive with that same energy you pulled out in front of me with" (or "I need you to drive with the same energy you pulled out in front of me with") is a…
“I need you to drive with the same energy you pulled out in front of me with”
"I need y'all to drive with that same energy you pulled out in front of me with" (or "I need you to drive with the same energy you pulled out in front of me with") is a…