“My new year’s revolution is to learn how to spell”
People make new year's resolutions, but this is sometimes misspelled as "revolutions." "My New Year's revolution is to always spell important words correctly, thus…
“My New Year’s revolution is to proofread more”
"Resolution" is sometimes mis-typed as "revolution." "My new year's revolution is to proofread my tweets more carefully" was posted on Twitter on December 27,…
“My new years revolution is to learn how to spell”
People make new year's resolutions, but this is sometimes misspelled as "revolutions." "My New Year's revolution is to always spell important words correctly, thus…
“My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday”
"My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday" is a weekend saying that has been printed on many images. "My saturday was going really nicely until i realised it…
“My son identifies as a crescent moon. I’m worried, but my wife says it’s just a phase”
A moon joke was posted on Twitter on September 15, 2016: "I sexually identify as a moon. My mom thinks it's just a phase." A slightly different version was posted on Reddit -- Jokes…
“My therapist told me ‘time heals all wounds.’ So I stabbed him. Now we wait…”
"Time heals all wounds" is an old saying that might or might not be true. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by Princess Buttercup on May 23, 2014, and it received over 7,500 likes:…
“My time machine is the best thing till sliced bread”
"The best/greatest thing since sliced bread" is a popular phrase. “What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?” is a question that's sometimes asked, and there is a time…
“My time machine is the best thing untill sliced bread”
"The best/greatest thing since sliced bread" is a popular phrase. “What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?” is a question that's sometimes asked, and there is a time…
“My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They are his watch dogs”
A joke has it that a person named two dogs "Timex" and "Rolex" because they were "watch dogs." The "watchdog" pun has been cited in print since at least…
“My watch is three hours fast, and I can’t fix it. So I’m going to move to New York.”
Life in New York City is often said to be at a faster pace than life anywhere else. New York's time is three hours ahead of California's. The American comedian Steven Wright, in his A…
“My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are”
"My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by Just Bill on December 21, 2016. The saying has been printed…
“Need an ark? I Noah guy”
"Noah" saounds like "know a," prompting this pun that was viral on Twitter on September 8, 2010: "Do you need to build an ark to save two of every creature? I Noah…
“Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter”
"Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter" is a winter holiday tip that has been printed on many images. That is, the white stuff falling…
“Never go to a wedding in the winter. Someone always gets cold feet”
To “get cold feet” means to be nervous or anxious about an upcoming event. People often get cold feet at weddings. "Never go to a wedding in the winter. Someone always gets cold feet"…
“Never make snow angels in a dog park”
"Never make snow angels in a dog park" -- because of what dogs do on the ground -- is a jocular bit of advice that has been printed on many images. "Dear neighborhood kids: Please do…
“Never trust a warm front” (weather adage)
"Never trust a warm front" is a catchphrase of Dick Goddard, a long-time meteorologist at WJW-TV (Cleveland, OH). Warm fronts are unpredictable with the amount of precipitation they can…
“Never trust politicians or weather forecasters”
“The old adage, 'Never believe weather forecasters or politicians'" was cited in a 2015 North Vancouver (British Columbia) newspaper, when a former CBC meteorologist decided to go…
“New Year’s Eve forecast: Mostly drunk, with a slight chance of passing out”
A jocular drinking saying is: "New Year's Eve forecast: Mostly drunk, with a slight chance of passing out." "This weekends forecast, mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing…
“New Year’s Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter”
"New Year's Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper" is a jocular one-line saying that has been included in many New Year's…
“New Year’s is a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s”
"New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar" is a jocular New Year's one-line saying that has been…