“I lent my grandfather clock to my friend and now he owes me big time”
"Big time" usually means "a lot," but a pun has been cited in print since at least 2015: "I let my friend borrow my grandfather clock. He owes me big time." Wikipedia:…
“I live for my alarm clock collection. It’s what gets me up in the morning”
"I live for my alarm clock collection. It's what gets me up in the morning" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter on February 10, 2011. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I love fall most of all”
"I love fall most of all" is a seasonal saying that has been printed on many images. "I love Fall most of all!" was posted on Twitter by DeWayne in SD on October 13, 2009.…
“I love it when the weather turns ugly because it means the decision I already made not to leave…”
People who were never going to leave the house anyway don't care about bad weather. This was posted on Twitter by Jonathan Edward Durham on January 8, 2023: "I love it when the weather…
“I love snow…until I have to shovel it”
What type of person loves the snow? "i love snow, until i have to shovel it!!!!" was posted on X/Twitter by Franco Campanella on December 6, 2009. "i love the snow... that is until i…
“I love the snow…until I have to shovel it”
What type of person loves the snow? "i love snow, until i have to shovel it!!!!" was posted on X/Twitter by Franco Campanella on December 6, 2009. "i love the snow... that is until i…
“I made love for an hour and fifteen minutes. We turned the clocks ahead”
American comedian Garry Shandling (1949-2016) told a joke on a comedy special in 1989: ''I made love for an hour and 15 minutes. Well, it was on the day you push the clocks ahead."…
“I need a battery so I can tell the time.”/“Is it for a clock?” (joke)
A joke has a person enter a clock store (or a battery store): Customer: I need a battery so I can tell the time.Employee: Is it for a clock?Customer: I don't know! That's why I need a…
“I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m a professional now… I dislike the whole week”
Many people dislike Monday, which is the traditional start to the work week. "I no longer dislike Mondays, I'm mature now... I dislike the whole week" is a jocular saying that has…
“I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week”
Many people dislike Monday, which is the traditional start to the work week. "I no longer dislike Mondays, I'm mature now... I dislike the whole week" is a jocular saying that has…
“I oppose Taco Tuesday because it sends the message that the other days aren’t also for tacos”
"I oppose Taco Tuesday (only) because it sends the message that (the) other days aren't also for tacos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is in…
“I oppose Taco Tuesday only because it sends the message that other days aren’t also for tacos”
"I oppose Taco Tuesday (only) because it sends the message that (the) other days aren't also for tacos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is in…
“I really don’t know how fast light travels, but it gets here too early in the morning”
How fast is the speed of light> "A California scientist is experimenting with the measurement of the speed of light. We bet he finds it gets here too early in the mornings" was printed…
“I said to my boss ‘Do you mind if I leave a bit earlier today?’ ‘Only if you can make up the time,’ he replied…”
When an employee has to "make up the time," that means, for example, staying late until a job is done. It doesn't mean making up a fictional time, but there are jokes. "I asked…
“I set my alarm clock ahead to prevent being late…” (joke)
Many people who are constantly late set their clocks ahead to give them a few extra minutes. "I set my alarm clock ahead to prevent being late... But all it really did is sharpen my…
“I set my alarms extra early to make sure that I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up”
People usually set an alarm extra earlier if they want to do something, but that's not always the case. "I set my alarms extra early to make sure that I have enough time to lay in bed and…
“I sleep in a castle once every two weeks. It’s my fort night”
A fortnight joke was posted on X/Twitter by FizzySnood on August 23, 2015: " I sleep in a castle once every two weeks. It's my fort night." Wikipedia: Fortnight A fortnight is a unit…
“I snow. He snew. We snode”
"It snode" (for "it snowed") is a snow spelling/saying/meme that has been printed on many images. "It snew" has also been used and the Merriam-Webster Dictionary…
“I sold fake eclipse glasses. but those suckers will never see me again”
There was a solar eclipse on August 21, 2017. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 24, 2017: "This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses. I'm not to…
“I squint at the sun because it is bright. I squint at people because they are not”
"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "We squint at the sun because…