“I hate when people use GM in place of good morning. General Motors to you, too”
"GM" can mean "Good Morning," but it can also mean "General Motors." "General Motors to you too! ;)" was posted on Twitter by Vimoh ⚡ on December 1, 2008.…
“I have a joke about a broken clock, but it’s not the right time”
"I have a joke about a broken clock but it’s not the right time" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Matt Walsh on July 25, 2020. "I was gonna tell a a joke about a broken…
“I have been staring at an orchard to tell the time. It’s an Apple Watch”
An Apple Watch is not the same as watching apples, but there are jokes. "The only 'Apple watch' I'll be doing this autumn is at an orchard #amirite" was posted on Twitter…
“I have two reactions when I leave the house: 1. Ew, the weather. 2. Ew, the people”
"I have two reactions when I leave the house: 1. Ew, the weather. 2. Ew, the people" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I have two reactions when I leave…
“I haven’t been this excited about a Friday, since last Friday”
"I haven't been so/this excited about Friday since last Friday" (or "I haven't been this excited about a Friday, since last Friday") is a Friday saying that has been…
“I haven’t been this excited about Friday since last Friday”
"I haven't been so/this excited about Friday since last Friday" (or "I haven't been this excited about a Friday, since last Friday") is a Friday saying that has been…
“I haven’t owned a watch for I don’t know how long”
"For I don't know how long" is an expression for a long period of time, but there's a joke: "I haven't owned a watch for I don't know how long." The joke was…
“I jumped off a cliff and landed on a stone clock. It was then that I knew I had fallen on to hard times”
"Hard times" doesn't usually involve a stone clock, but there are jokes. "RT @walteroho: Hard times like a stone clock #boss my #punchline :D" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock…” (joke)
A cuckoo clock often features a figure that comes out of a house to strike the hour. A cuckoo clock joke was posted on Twitter on December 10, 2010: "I've got a job working in a full size…
“I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?”
"Since I'm going in different time zones and am gaining hours, does that make me a time traveler?" was posted on Twitter on March 29, 2015. "If I keep traveling to different…
“I just got off the phone with Friday… She’ll be here tomorrow and she is bringing wine!!”
"Friday just called. She'll be here tomorrow and she's bringing the wine!" is a Thursday saying that has been printed on many images. " RT @MichaelJordaan: Just got off the…
“I just need a sno cone and a pool”
Snow cones aren't essentially to the diet, but kids often demand them, especially in hot weather. "Bball, swimming pool, and sun. I just need a snowcone" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I just need a snow cone and a pool”
Snow cones aren't essentially to the diet, but kids often demand them, especially in hot weather. "Bball, swimming pool, and sun. I just need a snowcone" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I just realized why this month is called ‘May.’ It may rain, it may snow…”
"THERE seems to be a particular reason why the month of May should be marked with floods, unless it be the old rule that the month is so called because it may rain, it may snow, it may freeze,…
“I just received a ‘Save the Date’ card. I didn’t even know they were an endangered fruit”
"'Save the date!' It turns out that this admonition is not, as might reasonably be supposed, a charity solicitation on behalf of an endangered fruit" was printed in the Chicago…
“I just shoveled 6 inches of global warming off my driveway”
Many people doubt "global warming" after a big or a late snowfall. "I just shoveled X inches of global warming off my driveway/sidewalk" is a popular trope. "Having just…
“I knew summer was coming and I just kept eating”
People usually try to get in shape for the summer, when the weather is warmer and they will be wearing less clothing. "You knew summer was coming and you just kept eating" (or "You…
“I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s heads”
"I know a lot of very clever jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over peoples heads" was posted on Twitter by BIG_BEAR_F1 on September 7, 2010. "I know a lot of…
“I know a bunch of good puns about umbrellas but they usually go over people’s heads”
"I know a lot of very clever jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over peoples heads" was posted on Twitter by BIG_BEAR_F1 on September 7, 2010. "I know a lot of…
“I know a lot of clever jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s heads”
"I know a lot of very clever jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over peoples heads" was posted on Twitter by BIG_BEAR_F1 on September 7, 2010. "I know a lot of…