“I don’t hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do with it”
"I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do…
“I don’t hate you, but you are the Monday of my life”
Many people hate Mondays. "How to say I hate you in a nice way? 'You are the Monday of my life'" and "Don't tell anyone 'I hate you' directly. Say 'You…
“I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail”
"Hurts like hail" sounds like "hurts like hell." "Frozen rain, when it hits you, hurts like hail" was published in a 1987 newspaper. "I don't know if I just…
“I don’t understand why 14/3 is Pi Day. Isn’t 22/7 a better choice?”
Pi Day is March 14th (3/14), just as Pi is "3.14." However, many non-U.S. countries represent dates by day-month, making this date 14/3. The date of 3/14 is "American Pi (Day)."…
“I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life”
For many people, the weekend off work goes by too quickly. It's soon Monday again, and another work week cycle. "I don't wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting…
“I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life”
For many people, the weekend off work goes by too quickly. It's soon Monday again, and another work week cycle. "I don't wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting…
“I don’t wish people ‘Good morning.’ I just say ‘Morning,’ then it’s up to them…”
"I don't wish people 'Good morning.' I just say 'Morning,' then it's up to them. I'm not taking responsibility for that shit" (or "I don't…
“I don’t wish people a ‘Good morning.’ I just say ‘Morning’ and what kind they actually have, is totally up to them…”
"I don't wish people 'Good morning.' I just say 'Morning,' then it's up to them. I'm not taking responsibility for that shit" (or "I don't…
“I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar. Now my battery keeps draining”
"Colander" shouldn't be confused with "calendar," but there are jokes. "heh RT @deanog: iTunes Store installed a colander app on my iPhone instead of a calendar. It…
“I feel like ‘Autumn’ is just Fall’s stripper stage name”
"Autumn" can sound like a stripper name. "Thank you fall for occasionally going by the name autumn, just like my cousin megan who became a stripper" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I feel sorry for short people. When it rains, they’re the last to know”
"I feel sorry for short people," a popular joke goes. "When it's raining, they're the last to know." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1970. In 1971, the…
“I finally watched the documentary on clocks. It was about time”
"They're finally making a documentary about the invention of clocks. It's about time!" is a pun that was posted on Twitter by drewtarvin on June 26, 2012. "Did you hear…
“I give the eclipse one star”
How does one rate an eclipse? How many stars? "I score the eclipse, minus one star" was posted on Twitter on March 20, 2015. Reviewers of the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse were more…
“I got a job making plastic Draculas. Two of us work, so I have to make every second count”
To "make every second count" does not mean to "make every second Count Dracula," but there are jokes. "Bought a Dracula themed clock. Every second Count" was posted on…
“I got fired from my job at the clock factory today. After all those extra hours I put in!”
Putting in extra hours at work -- is that a good or a bad thing? "I can't believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in" is a joke that was posted…
“I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off”
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off" went viral on Twitter on November 19, 2010. The one-liner has been included on many jokes…
“I gotta get my life together. This damn heat made me realize I can’t go to hell”
"I gotta get my life together. This damn heat made me realize I can’t go to hell" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "It's hot af fam. This weather made…
“I hate getting up at stupid o’clock in the morning”
"I hate getting up at stupid o'clock in the morning" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The term "stupid o'clock" refers to an unreasonably early hour…
“I hate this time of the year. It’s like winter and spring are fighting over custody”
Late-February through March can feel like winter or spring. "I hate this time of the year. It’s like winter and spring are fighting over custody" was posted on Twitter by Gorgeous Demon…
“I hate when people say ‘take it one day at a time.’ What else am I going to do, skip Thursday?”
"I hate when people say take it one day at a time. What else ima do? Skip Tuesday?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Wednesday" and…