“I thought I’d take a stab at an Ides of March joke”
March 15th (the middle of the month) is called the Ides of March. Roman general and statesman Julius Caesar was assassinated on March 15, 44 B.C. "If I read one more corny ides of March joke,…
“I told my dyslexic mate to turn his clock back…” (joke)
The Daylight Saving Time practice of "spring forward, fall back" has everyone setting a clock back one hour in the fall. A dyslexic "turn your clock back" joke was posted on…
“I tried to catch some fog. I mist”
"I tired to catch some fog. I mist" is a pun that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, T-shirts, hats and bumper stickers. "Just tried to catch some fog. I…
“I tried using a colander to view the eclipse. I think I’ve strained my eyes”
A colander is a kitchen utensil that has holes to drain foods. The holes can be looked through, but a colander is not a telescope. A joke became popular on Sickipedia in March 2015: "I tried…
“I used to do drugs in the 60s. Now I don’t care what the temperature is”
"I used to do drugs in the 60s/70s/80s/90s. Now I don't care what the temperature is" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least the early 1990s. Authorship is unknown.…
“I used to do drugs in the 70s. Now I don’t care what the temperature is”
"I used to do drugs in the 60s/70s/80s/90s. Now I don't care what the temperature is" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least the early 1990s. Authorship is unknown.…
“I used to do drugs in the 80s. Now I don’t care what the temperature is”
"I used to do drugs in the 60s/70s/80s/90s. Now I don't care what the temperature is" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least the early 1990s. Authorship is unknown.…
“I used to do drugs in the 90s. Now I don’t care what the temperature is”
"I used to do drugs in the 60s/70s/80s/90s. Now I don't care what the temperature is" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least the early 1990s. Authorship is unknown.…
“I used to do drugs in the sixties. Now I don’t care what the temperature is”
"I used to do drugs in the 60s/70s/80s/90s. Now I don't care what the temperature is" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least the early 1990s. Authorship is unknown.…
“I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time”
A joke about time was submitted by Tom Ward to the Edinburgh (Scotland) Festival Fringe in August 2015: "I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time." The…
“I walked in on my wife yelling that she hated low lying clouds…” (joke)
"Mist" for the word "missed" is a common weather pun. "I haven't the foggiest idea or have I mist the point, sorry my thoughts are a bit cloudy at the moment!"…
“I was poor, I had to use old calendars for toilet paper. Now those days are behind me”
What do people do with old calendars? A joke was posted on Twitter by The Rudeman on April 16, 2013: "Once we were so poor, we only had old calendars to use as toilet paper. Now those days are…
“I went outside today, it was cold and there were people. Zero stars. Do not recommend it”
"Went outside today. It was cold and there were people. Zero stars. Do not recommend" (or "I went outside today, it was cold and there were people. Zero stars. Do not recommend…
“I went to the Air and Space Museum the other day. There was nothing there!”
What's in an air and space museum? Just air and space? "I want my money back. I went to the air and space museum and there was nothing in it. http://bit.ly/NpDLu7 via @sickipedia"…
“I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce”
"I'd enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I’m a time traveler. I travel in time at the rate of one second per second”
We all time travel. "I can time travel.... but only forwards.....and really slowly... at one second per second" was posted on Twitter by Rudy Lippert on July 26, 2010. "I time travel…
“I’m directing a cowboy film called The Sun. It’s set in the west”
A joke about the sun is: "I'm directing a cowboy film called The Sun. It's set in the west." The joke was posted on Twitter by alankemp (and others) on September 14, 2014, and…
“I’m glad cold season is over so allergy season can finally begin”
For some people, the change from winter to spring means going from cold season to allergy season. "I'm glad cold season is over so allergy season can finally begin/start" is a saying…
“I’m glad cold season is over so allergy season can finally start”
For some people, the change from winter to spring means going from cold season to allergy season. "I'm glad cold season is over so allergy season can finally begin/start" is a saying…
“I’m glad it’s not snowing. I would hate to shovel snow in this heat”
A popular heat joke is of unknown authorship. "I hope it doesn't snow today...I mean, wouldn't you hate to shovel snow in this heat?" was posted on Twitter by Travis Moody on…