“I failed to make the chess team because of my height”
Bronx-born comedian, author and film director Woody Allen joked in 1964: "I failed to make the chess team because of my height." A young Woody Allen was short, but he was athletic and…
“I hate losing more than I love winning”
It's often assumed that players love to win (to get a reward), but often what motivates them is that they hate to lose (fear of pain). "I hate losing more than I love winning" was…
“I have an addiction to tag. It’ll be touch and go, whether I need professional help”
Jokes about the game of tag are very "touch and go." "I'm proud to say that I have finally beaten my addiction to playing Tag, but it was touch and go there for a while"…
“I have ice in my veins” (cool under pressure)
Someone who is said to have "ice in his/her veins" is someone who is cool under pressure. "Ice in his veins" has been cited in print since at least the early 1900s, and has been…
“I haven’t kept up my subscription to Scrabble Club. Now they’re sending me threatening letters”
A joke on the Scrabble word game was posted on Twitter by Jim Crowfoot on November 23, 2015: "I've missed paying my subscription to Scrabble Club and now they have started sending me…
“I heard that cricket matches can last for days. No rest for the wicket”
"No rest for the wicked" is from the Book of Isaiah verses 48:22 and 57:20-21. "No rest for the wicket" is a cricket joke. "The Bowlers have plenty to do, and there is no…
“I hit two great balls on the golf course—I stepped on a rake” (joke)
An old joke has a golfer say this after a bad round of golf: "I hit two great balls on the golf course -- I stepped on a rake at the sand trap." The joke has been cited in print in 1985,…
“I hope your favorite football team wins, so it can benefit your life in no way whatsoever”
"I hope your favorite football team wins, so it can benefit your life in no way whatsoever" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The saying means that sports -- while…
“I just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas. He wanted an ex-box”
Xbox is a video gaming brand from Microsoft. "Xbox" should not be confused with "ex box," but there are jokes. "I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for…
“I just hope both teams are having fun”
"I just hope both teams have fun" (or "I just hope both teams are having fun" or "I just hope both teams had fun") is a jocular saying -- often by a woman who…
“I just hope both teams had fun”
"I just hope both teams have fun" (or "I just hope both teams are having fun" or "I just hope both teams had fun") is a jocular saying -- often by a woman who…
“I just hope both teams have fun”
"I just hope both teams have fun" (or "I just hope both teams are having fun" or "I just hope both teams had fun") is a jocular saying -- often by a woman who…
“I keep imagining I’m holding an invisible pack of cards. No one knows what I’m dealing with”
The expression “to deal with” usually doesn’t involve playing cards, but there are jokes. "I keep imagining I'm holding an invisible pack of cards. No one knows what I'm…
“I like to play chess with old men in the park…although it’s hard to find 32 of them”
There is a difference between playing chess against people and playing chess with people (for example, human chess pieces). American stand-up comedian Emo Philips said in a November 2009 interview:…
“I lost it in the sun” (baseball infielder after fumbling a ground ball)
Baseball outfielders often lose a fly ball in the sun. A popular joke when an infielder muffs a ground ball is that he "lost it in the sun." The Brooklyn Dodgers were leading the New York…
“I love bowling! It’s the perfect workout. Six seconds of exercise, drink beer half an hour”
"Bowling is the ideal sport. It’s basically an hour of drinking beer occasionally interrupted by six seconds of exercise" is a bowling saying that has been printed on several images.…
“I met a girl at a soccer game. I think she’s a keeper”
"She's a keeper" means that a person has found a good person for a partnership. "Keeper" in soccer (association football) means a "goalkeeper." "#manrules if…
“I must be in the front row”
Bob Uecker has a mediocre baseball playing career, but he achieved fame joking about it. In a Miller Lite beer commercial from 1984, Uecker says that the front office has given him tickets and he…
“I once entered the World Kleptomaniac Championships. I took gold, silver and bronze”
"I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on May 28, 2019, and again on Reddit -- Dadjokes on June 21, 2019. "I once…
“I ordered tennis balls on the internet, but the site crashed. Must be problems with the server”
Websites often have a problem with a "server," providing the basis of tennis puns. "Just tried to get on the British Tennis Association's website but they're having…