“I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble pieces” (joke)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: ScrabbleScrabble is a word game in which two to four players score points by placing tiles bearing a single letter onto a board divided into a 15×15 grid of…
“I always thought the record would stand until it was broken”
On July 15, 1980, Cincinnati Reds catcher Johnny Bench hit his 314th career home run, passing New York Yankees catcher Yogi Berra (1925-2015) to become the all-time home run leader among major…
“I always wanted to try juggling. I just never had the balls to”
"I always wanted to try juggling, but I never had the balls" is a jocular one-liner about juggling. "I've always wanted to try juggling..I've just never had the balls to do…
“I am kicking myself I did not take up karate earlier”
The saying "I could kick myself" means to blame one's self. It doesn't involve literal kicking, but there are karate jokes. "I'm kicking myself for not taking up…
“I am yet again asking the Olympics to simply let a regular non athlete person do the event first”
Olympic athletes can make difficult moves look easy. Kelsey McKinney asked on Twitter on June 19, 2021: "I am yet again asking the olympics to simply let a regular non athlete person do the…
“I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii”
Nintendo's Wii is a home video game console. The name sounds like the French word "oui" (meaning "yes"), prompting a pun: "I asked a Frenchman if he played video…
“I asked my caddie for a sand wedge…” (golf joke)
Golfers sometimes joke about inexperienced caddies who confuse a "sand wedge" with a "sandwich." Puerto Rican professional golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez often joked: "I asked my…
“I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four”
"I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four" -- the first numbers are odds, but the second numbers are a time (it took the horse over three hours to run the…
“I beat a black belt at karate. My next opponent is a green sock”
To face "a black belt at karate" usually means facing "a person with a black belt," but a joke is: "I beat a black belt at karate. My next opponent is a green sock."…
“I bought some serving spoons, but they haven’t made me any better at tennis”
"Serving spoons" don't have anything to do with tennis serves, but there are jokes. "I bought some serving spoons, but they haven't made me any better at tennis" was…
“I came last in a karate competition yesterday. I was kicking myself!”
The saying "I could kick myself" means to blame one's self. It doesn't involve literal kicking, but there are karate jokes. "I'm kicking myself for not taking up…
“I can ski clearly now the rain has gone”
"I Can See Clearly Now" is a 1972 song written by Johnny Nash (1940-2020). "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" is the first line. "I can ski clearly now the rain…
“I can ski clearly now the rain is gone”
"I Can See Clearly Now" is a 1972 song written by Johnny Nash (1940-2020). "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" is the first line. "I can ski clearly now the rain…
“I couldn’t have done it without the players” (Yankees manager Casey Stengel)
New York Yankees manager Casey Stengel (1890-1975) was known for his colorful quotations given to the baseball press. After the Yankees clinched the 1958 American League pennant, Stengel remarked:…
“I do enjoy playing ‘telekinetic snooker.’ However, you’ve got to be in the right frame of mind for it”
The game of snooker has frames, and there are "right frame of mind" jokes. "I love playing 'telekinetic snooker'. But you've got to be in the right frame of mind for…
“I don’t know how to play chess, but to me, life is like a game of chess”
"Life is like a game of chess. I don't know how to play chess" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker does not know about life, either. "If life…
“I don’t like soccer. If I wanted to watch a bunch of guys struggle to score for 90 minutes…”
Soccer is a low-scoring game. "RT @edheenan: Fuck soccer. If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 mins I’d take my friends to the bar" was posted on Twitter by Bugle Boy…
“I don’t need to ‘get a life.’ I’m a gamer. I have LOTS of lives”
"I don't need to 'get a life.' I'm a gamer. I have lots of lives" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Get a life!" is a line…
“I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterSteve's Quotes Today @todayquotes"I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it."Rogers Hornsbywb 121…
“I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze”
"I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on May 28, 2019, and again on Reddit -- Dadjokes on June 21, 2019. "I once…