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February 2, 2017
Holidays/Events/Parades

“I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single”

"I just saved a bunch of money (on Valentine's Day) by switching to single" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I just saved a bunch of money on…

November 6, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook”

“Never talk about religion or politics” is a popular etiquette rule for family gatherings, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas. “Be sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving this year to save…

November 6, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics over Thanksgiving dinner”

“Never talk about religion or politics” is a popular etiquette rule for family gatherings, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas. A jocular saying printed on many images is to do the opposite of…

February 14, 2021
Time/Weather

“I just shoveled 6 inches of global warming off my driveway”

Many people doubt "global warming" after a big or a late snowfall. "I just shoveled X inches of global warming off my driveway/sidewalk" is a popular trope. "Having just…

October 24, 2017
Food/Drink

“I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup. Took the words right out of my mouth”

Alphabet soup has been the subject of many puns. "Just puked up the alphabet soup I ate for dinner. Took the words right out of my mouth" was posted on Twitter on May 22, 2010. "I…

September 13, 2024
Food/Drink

“I just spilled all of the pancake mix on my wife. You could say she’s my batter half”

A pancake joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on September 11, 2024: "I just spilled all of the pancake mix on my wife. You could say she's my batter half." "My batter…

October 24, 2018
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I just sprayed fruit scented Febreze in my bathroom. Now it smells like shitrus”

A citrus air freshener sprayed in the bathroom can wind up smelling like "shitrus" (shit + citrus). "Shitrus" was entered in the Urban Dictionary on January 23, 2008.…

March 10, 2021
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone”

Many people hate mimes. "I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone" was posted on Twitter by Jason Maybe on January 22, 2011. "I just strangled a mime.... With a cordless…

March 6, 2019
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me”

"Airplane mode” for a phone or a computer (or similar electronic device) suspends radio-frequency signal transmission by the device, and was originally intended for safe air travel.…

March 6, 2019
Transportation

“I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me”

"Airplane mode” for a phone or a computer (or similar electronic device) suspends radio-frequency signal transmission by the device, and was originally intended for safe air travel.…

May 6, 2023
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I just totally misunderstood the meaning of ‘Strip Mall’ & could one of you guys send bail money?”

A "strip mall" doesn't have anything to do with "stripping," but there are jokes. "Apparently, I misunderstood the meaning of “strip mall.” Can someone bring me…

December 13, 2024
Work/Businesses

“I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager”

Walmart stores promote self-checkouts, and many customers need assistance. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by mark on August 21, 2014: "I just used the self checkout in Walmart without…

November 11, 2021
Food/Drink

“I just wanna be rich enough to throw leftovers away after dinner…”

A joke about leftovers was posted on Twitter by Amish PornStar™ on August 9, 2017: "I just wanna be rich enough to throw leftovers away after dinner instead of putting them in Tupperware and…

January 31, 2023
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink and have music at a normal volume…”

Some people want bars to be more like home. This was posted on Twitter by Katie D on January 21, 2023: "I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink and have music at a normal volume and…

December 29, 2025
Food/Drink

“I just want some cheese & quiet”

"I just want some cheese and quiet" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is just a cheese lover's joke on the phrase "peace and quiet." "Cheese…

December 29, 2025
Food/Drink

“I just want some cheese and quiet”

"I just want some cheese and quiet" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is just a cheese lover's joke on the phrase "peace and quiet." "Cheese…

June 4, 2018
Food/Drink

“I just want to drink coffee, create stuff and sleep”

"I just want to drink coffee, create stuff and sleep" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been popular with artists and writers. "'I Just…

July 27, 2024
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“I just want to have enough money that I don’t slow down to look at furniture left on the curb”

Many people leave unwanted items by the side of the road, hoping someone will take them. "I just want to have enough money that I don’t slow down to look at furniture left on the curb"…

February 19, 2026
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I just want to live in a world where I don’t end up saying, ‘What the hell is wrong with people?’ every time I leave my house”

"I just want to live in a world where I don't end up saying, 'What the hell is wrong with people?' every time I leave my/the house" is a saying that has been printed on…

February 19, 2026
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I just want to live in a world where I don’t have to say ‘What the hell is wrong with these people?’ every time I leave my house”

"I just want to live in a world where I don't end up saying, 'What the hell is wrong with people?' every time I leave my/the house" is a saying that has been printed on…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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