“I just lost my job as a zookeeper…” (joke)
Zoo signs such as "Do not feed the animals" are for the public and not for zoo staff, but there are jokes. "I was always one to follow the rules...at the zoo the sign said don't…
“I just made my hamster a strong coffee. I don’t want him falling asleep at the wheel”
Many people have a coffee before driving to prevent falling asleep at the wheel. A coffee joke transfers this to a hamster wheel. "'@sixthformpoet: I just made my hamster a strong coffee.…
“I just need a sno cone and a pool”
Snow cones aren't essentially to the diet, but kids often demand them, especially in hot weather. "Bball, swimming pool, and sun. I just need a snowcone" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I just need a snow cone and $47 million”
Snow cones aren't essentially to the diet, but kids often demand them, especially in hot weather. "Bball, swimming pool, and sun. I just need a snowcone" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I just need a snow cone and a pool”
Snow cones aren't essentially to the diet, but kids often demand them, especially in hot weather. "Bball, swimming pool, and sun. I just need a snowcone" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I just need to see a few more campaign ads and then I think I’ll be ready to make a final decision”
"I just need to see a few more campaign ads and then I think I'll be ready to make a final decision. Said no one ever" is a jocular political saying that has been printed on many…
“I just ordered my new license plates for my car. When will I get the license forks, spoons, and the rest of the license silverware?”
Do license plates imply the existence of license forks, license spoons and license knives? "I just ordered my new license plates for my car. When will I get the license forks, spoons, and the…
“I just paid my car registration. The roads will be fixed any day now”
"I just paid my car registration. The roads will be fixed any day now" and "Just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now" are jocular anti-government sayings that…
“I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do”
"I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do" is a jocular line -- the joke is that the "drugs" the dealer sold weren't legit -- that has been…
“I just pead on the table” (pea joke)
A person who eats peas often sees at least one pea roll away from the dish onto the dining table. "I've just pead the table!" -- a pun on peeing on the table -- is a popular joke.…
“I just pulled a muscle tearing up my gym membership card”
"I just pulled a muscle tearing up my gym membership card" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Uncle Duke on May 3, 2018. It was reposted by Uncle Duke on Bluesky on August 1, 2025.…
“I just quit belly dancing. I no longer have the stomach for it”
To "not have the stomach for (something)" means to lack the courage, determination, or resolve to do it. The idiom usually doesn't involve the stomach, but there are belly dancing…
“I just read that burglars use Facebook to find out when people aren’t home. I’m glad i’m at home, with my pet grizzly…”
Burglars can use social media to find if a family is not at home. The family might reveal on social media that they're on vacation, for example. However, the house might have security systems…
“I just read that burglars use social media to find out when people aren’t home… I’m glad I’m at home, with my hungry pet grizzly bear”
Burglars can use social media to find if a family is not at home. The family might reveal on social media that they're on vacation, for example. However, the house might have security systems…
“I just realized I am not a morning person. I’m a coffee person”
"I just realized I am not a morning person. I'm a coffee person" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm not a morning person, I'm just a coffee…
“I just realized the paper towels by the gas pump are for wiping away tears after filling your gas”
The paper towels by a gas pump are for cleaning (such as cleaning a windshield, or wiping oil from a dipstick). However, a popular comment (printed on many images) has it that the paper towels are…
“I just realized why this month is called ‘May.’ It may rain, it may snow…”
"THERE seems to be a particular reason why the month of May should be marked with floods, unless it be the old rule that the month is so called because it may rain, it may snow, it may freeze,…
“I just received a ‘Save the Date’ card. I didn’t even know they were an endangered fruit”
"'Save the date!' It turns out that this admonition is not, as might reasonably be supposed, a charity solicitation on behalf of an endangered fruit" was printed in the Chicago…
“I just received a ‘Save the Date’ message. I didn’t even know they were an endangered fruit?”
"'Save the date!' It turns out that this admonition is not, as might reasonably be supposed, a charity solicitation on behalf of an endangered fruit" was printed in the Chicago…
“I just rescued some wine. It was trapped in a bottle”
"I just rescued some wine. It was trapped in a bottle" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and ecards. "Just rescued some wine.. it was…