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February 3, 2026
Pets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“I just caught my cat licking a bar of soap and I can only assume that he’s either a weirdo or he’s punishing himself for swearing again”

Why do cats sometimes lick a bar of soap? Cats clean themselves, but they don't use soap for that. Is it because cats use swear words and have to "wash out the mouth with soap"?…

June 17, 2021
Food/Drink

“I just cleared out some space in the freezer sounds much more productive than I had ice cream”

"I just cleared out some space in the freezer sounds much more productive than I just polished off a pint of ice cream" is a meme that has been cited since at least May 2, 2021. The…

May 27, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I just Clorox wiped a bottle of Purell and Purelled my hands cuz I touched the Clorox canister”

Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…

June 16, 2021
Transportation

“I just crashed my Kia. Now I have Nokia”

Kia (a car) shouldn't be confused with Nokia (a phone), but there are jokes. "I drove my Kia into a river. Now i have Nokia" was posted on Twitter by Nick Bongston on August 27,…

December 3, 2016
Food/Drink

“I just don’t want to look back and think, ‘I could’ve eaten that’”

"I just don't want to look back and think, 'I could've eaten that'" is a jocular line that has been printed on GIFs. "I just don’t want to look back and think,…

January 16, 2018
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“I just donated $100 to a blind children’s charity, not that the kids will ever see any of it”

Many charities have high overhead, and the donated money doesn't reach the purpose of the charity. A joke was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia on January 3, 2012: "I just donated a…

July 31, 2024
Food/Drink

“I just dropped a heavy box of berries on my foot. Now I cranberry walk”

"Cranberry" can sound like "can barely," and there are jokes. "I cranberry walk after this drink!!!!" was posted on X/Twitter by Cory Thielen on November 22, 2012.…

March 14, 2022
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t like my attitude and I got caught drinking”

"I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t/don't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Saw this on…

March 14, 2022
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I don’t like my attitude and I got caught drinking”

"I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t/don't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Saw this on…

January 23, 2022
Food/Drink

“I just flew back from a Spaghetti-O’s convention and Boyardee’s arms tired”

“I just flew in and boy, are my arms tired!” is a very old joke (1940s). The arms are tired from flapping so much (like a bird's wings). Chef Boyardee is an American brand of canned pasta,…

January 18, 2015
Transportation

“I just flew in and boy, are my arms tired!”

"I just flew in from (Chicago, Los Angeles, New York) and boy, are my arms tired!" is a classic joke told by American comedians. That is, the arms had been flapping like a bird's…

January 23, 2022
Food/Drink

“I just flew in from a ravioli convention. Boyardees arms tired”

“I just flew in and boy, are my arms tired!” is a very old joke (1940s). The arms are tired from flapping so much (like a bird's wings). Chef Boyardee is an American brand of canned pasta,…

April 21, 2023
Work/Businesses

“I just flew in from a Transformers convention. And boy, my arms are tires”

“I just flew in and boy, are my arms tired!” is a very old joke (1940s). The arms are tired from flapping so much (like a bird's wings). Transformers arms are actual tires, and there are…

January 23, 2022
Food/Drink

“I just flew in from Italy and boyardee’s arms tired”

“I just flew in and boy, are my arms tired!” is a very old joke (1940s). The arms are tired from flapping so much (like a bird's wings). Chef Boyardee is an American brand of canned pasta,…

July 22, 2019
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I just found out Canada isn’t real. Turns out it was all just mapleleaf”

"Maple leaf" (a national symbol of Canada) sounds like "make believe." "When I was little I used to think Canada was real. Now I realize it was Maple Leaf 🍁" was…

October 20, 2024
Work/Businesses

“I just found out it doesn’t matter how early I go to sleep I just don’t want to go to work”

"I just found out it doesn't matter how early I go to sleep I just don't want to go to work" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, even if the speaker gets…

April 13, 2022
Food/Drink

“I just found out my Indian name is…chugalottajava”

"I've just found out that my Indian name is Chugalottajava" (or "I just found out my Indian name is...chugalottajava") is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on…

April 10, 2022
Transportation

“I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower…”

$22 used to fill up a car's gas tank, but not with high gas prices. "I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower but I am trying to stay positive" was…

January 28, 2018
Time/Weather

“I just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock…” (joke)

A cuckoo clock often features a figure that comes out of a house to strike the hour. A cuckoo clock joke was posted on Twitter on December 10, 2010: "I've got a job working in a full size…

January 29, 2018
Work/Businesses

“I just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock…” (joke)

A cuckoo clock often features a figure that comes out of a house to strike the hour. A cuckoo clock joke was posted on Twitter on December 10, 2010: "I've got a job working in a full size…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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