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October 14, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/InternetWork/Businesses

“How is it possible that every single book is a #1 New York Times Best Seller?”

The New York (NY) Times has a Book Review section, and it has had a weekly best seller list since October 12, 1931. There are many categories. For many people who buy books, it often seems that…

November 13, 2014
Food/Drink

“How is soy sauce black and soy milk white when soybeans are green?”

"Why is soy sauce black and soy milk white?" is a popular question in the 2000s, with the increasing usage in the United States of soy milk. "Soy sauce is black, while soy milk is…

March 20, 2023
Food/Drink

“How it feels to click the tongs twice before you start grilling” (“I have the power!”)

Many people who grill food click tongs twice before using them. "People who went to culinary school, what are some important tips you've learned and use in your own kitchen?" (...)…

March 6, 2015
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“How late does the band play?” (joke)

Drummers often play to their own beat. A popular joke involves a bar customer who is listening to a jazz band: BAR CUSTOMER (to bartender): Hey buddy, how late does the band play?BARTENDER: Oh,…

March 1, 2021
Food/Drink

“How long before Manwich is deemed offensive and called gender neutral meat sauce?”

"How long before Manwich is deemed offensive and called gender neutral meat sauce?" is a food saying that has been printed on several images. Many commercial products have tried to go…

July 9, 2017
Time/Weather

“How long do chickens work?”/“Around the cluck.”

"Around the clock" is used in a chicken pun as "around the cluck." This version was printed on a 1961 newspaper: Pat: "Is raising chickens hard work?"Mike: "It…

July 10, 2017
Work/Businesses

“How long do chickens work?”/“Around the cluck.”

"Around the clock" is used in a chicken pun as "around the cluck." This version was printed on a 1961 newspaper: Pat: "Is raising chickens hard work?"Mike: "It…

January 5, 2017
Food/Drink

“How long does it take to eat a tire?”/“A good year.”

A popular riddle on a famous tire company is: Q: How long does it take to eat a tire?A: A good year (Goodyear). "How long does it take an elephant to eat a tire? A good year (Goodyear)"…

November 10, 2024
Food/Drink

“How long does it take to reheat fish in the microwave?”/“Tuna half minutes.”

"Tuna half" sounds like "two and a half," and there are jokes. "No, #Siri, I don't want a timer set for t'una half' minutes" was posted on X/Twitter by…

September 21, 2016
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?”/“Nobody knows.”

The classic musical instrument joke is: Q: How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?A: Nobody knows. It's never been done. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1998, when it…

July 5, 2018
Time/Weather

“How long have you been chopping wood for?”/“I’m not sure, I’ll check the logs.”

A time pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on June 11, 2016: "How long have you been chopping wood for?""I'm not sure, I'll check the logs." The joke was posted on…

May 26, 2021
Work/Businesses

“How long have you been working at that office?”/“Ever since they threatened to fire me.”

An old joke has a new company employee ask an old company employee, "How long have you been working here?" The old employee responds, "Ever since they threatened to fire me."…

May 27, 2021
Work/Businesses

“How long have you been working for the company?”/“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”

An old joke has a new company employee ask an old company employee, "How long have you been working here?" The old employee responds, "Ever since they threatened to fire me."…

November 10, 2024
Food/Drink

“How long should you microwave fish for?”/“Tuna half minutes.”

"Tuna half" sounds like "two and a half," and there are jokes. "No, #Siri, I don't want a timer set for t'una half' minutes" was posted on X/Twitter by…

December 6, 2022
Transportation

“How long will the next bus be?”/“Same length as this one.”

People at a bus stop often ask how long the wait until the next bus will be. "How long will the next bus be?" they ask. "Same length as this one" is a joke reply from the bus…

June 26, 2017
Work/Businesses

“How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?” (joke)

An accountant version of the "lightbulb joke" is: Q: How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?A: How many did it take last year?…

September 7, 2016
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?” (joke)

A popular actor "light bulb" joke was told by American actor Matthew Broderick in 1985: Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?A: One hundred. One to do it, and 99 to say…

March 10, 2015
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“How many altos does it take to screw in a light bulb?” (joke)

Singers have popular jokes on how many it takes to screw in a lightbulb: Q: How many altos does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, they can't get up that high. The joke has been cited…

October 11, 2018
Streets

“How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a lightbulb?”/“To get to the other side!”

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. Another popular riddle is the "lightbulb joke," asking how…

May 18, 2016
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?”/“Tenants.”

"Tenants" is a word that sets up the obvious joke: Q: How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?A: Ten ants (tenants). "How many ants make a landlord? 10 ants (tenants)" was…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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