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November 27, 2014
Food/Drink

“How many apples grow on a tree?/“All of them.”

"How many apples grow on a tree?" is a popular children's riddle. "All of them" is the answer. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. "How many…

October 29, 2025
Food/Drink

“How many bags of Halloween candy is a serving size?”

What is a normal "serving size" of Halloween candy? Some people can eat a lot of it. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by Swishergirl on October 5, 2018: "How many bags of Halloween…

November 7, 2015
Sports/Games

“How many bathroom-window curtains must die needlessly to clothe golfers?”

Some people in sports -- especially golfers -- are known to be terrible dressers. "How many more bathroom-window curtains must die needlessly to clothe golfers?" was credited to Mike…

July 7, 2017
Food/Drink

“How many beers does it take for tropical birds to get drunk?”/“Toucans.”

The "toucan" bird has been the subject of many "two can" puns. "Q: How many tropical birds does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Toucan" was posted on the newsgroup…

August 5, 2019
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb?” (joke)

A popular riddle about bluegrass musicians is: Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb?A: Two. One to put it in, and one to complain that it’s electrified. "How…

November 4, 2020
Education/Schools

“How many bones are in a human body?”/“Usually, all of them.”

A quiz question in anatomy class might be how many bones there are in the human body. A human body has 206 bones, but there are joke answers to this question. "How many bones are in the human…

November 4, 2020
Education/Schools

“How many bones are in the human foot?”/“All of them.”

A quiz question in anatomy class might be how many bones there are in the human body. A human body has 206 bones, but there are joke answers to this question. "How many bones are in the human…

November 4, 2020
Education/Schools

“How many bones are in your hand?”/“A handful.”

A quiz question in anatomy class might be how many bones there are in the human body. A human body has 206 bones, but there are joke answers to this question. "How many bones are in the human…

November 4, 2020
Education/Schools

“How many bones are in your head?”/“All of them.”

A quiz question in anatomy class might be how many bones there are in the human body. A human body has 206 bones, but there are joke answers to this question. "How many bones are in the human…

June 15, 2018
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“How many cabal members does it take to change a light bulb?” (joke)

A cabal version of the "lightbulb joke" is: Q: How many cabal members does it take to change a light bulb?A: None. They embrace the darkness. The joke is from the Truth, Honor &…

May 5, 2023
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?”/“Just one, but it takes twelve visits.”

A chiropractor version of the lightbulb joke is: Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Just one, but it takes twelve visits. "How many chiropractors does it take to…

May 5, 2023
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“How many chiropractors does it take to screw in a light bulb?”/“Only one, but it takes nine visits”

A chiropractor version of the lightbulb joke is: Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Just one, but it takes twelve visits. "How many chiropractors does it take to…

October 23, 2020
Food/Drink

“How many citrus fruits does it take to kill a pirate?”/“None.”

Citrus fruits (lemons and limes) were used in the 19th century by sailors to prevent scurvy. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on January 27, 2017: Q: How much citrus does it take to kill a…

November 10, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer will shock you!”

A "clickbait" version of the popular lightbulb joke is: "How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer will shock you!" The joke is a pun; the…

October 11, 2014
Education/Schools

“How many college freshmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” (joke)

Students at one college or university often tell a joke about a rival school: Q: How many (insert college name) freshmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: None. That's a sophomore-level…

January 18, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?”/“Do your own research.”

"How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?" is a lightbulb joke with many answers. "How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? They…

January 19, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?”/“The real question is…”

"How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?" is a lightbulb joke with many answers. "How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? They…

January 18, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?”/None. The Illuminati did it!”

"How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?" is a lightbulb joke with many answers. "How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? They…

January 19, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”/“We may never know the truth.”

"How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?" is a lightbulb joke with many answers. "How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? They…

October 12, 2016
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“How many cooks does it take to change a lightbulb?” (joke)

A restaurant version of the lightbulb joke is: Q: How many cooks does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Five. One to screw it in and four to tell you how they did it at their last restaurant. The…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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