Playwright George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) is credited with saying, "If you are going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you." Shaw…
Knockwurst has nothing to do with knocking on a door, but there are jokes. "If you're gonna burst through the door unannounced, waving a German sausage, knockwurst!" (meaning…
"If you're gonna hit my car, make sure you kill me" is a bumper sticker saying that has been printed on many images. Reddit -- Funny Albuyeh -- February 22, 2024 A bumper sticker has…
How old should one be to play professional sports? The saying is "if you're good enough, you're old enough." When Major League Soccer's D.C. United signed 14-year-old…
"If you're having a bad day, an important thing to remember is that no one cares" is a jocular saying that has been printed on an image. "No one cares if I’m having a bad day.…
"If you're having second thoughts, you're two ahead of most people" is a saying that has been printed on several images. That is, most people avoid thinking. "If…
"The Improper Fractions Helpline is now open 24/7" is a math joke that has been printed on coffee mugs. "My top-heavy fractions helpline is now open 24/7" was posted on Twitter…
A joke about yodeling was posted on Twitter by MꙬse Allain on April 18, 2016: "If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly queue (orderly orderly orderly…
Many people are schooled at home. "Since I am home schooled all my work is homework" was posted on Twitter on February 12, 2009. "Being home schooled all work is homework. *lame…
"If you're in a cold room, go stand in the corner. It's 90 degrees" is a geometry joke that has been printed on many images. "Why do Aggies/blondes stand in the corner when…
"If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck" and ""If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly" are sayings that have been…
"Search and recuse" is always "looking for people" -- not always to hire, but there are jokes. "Job Hunters Alert! Check out Local Search and Rescue! I hear they are always…
Someone is "bi-curious" if that person is curious about becoming bisexual. "Bicurryous" is a jocular term for a person who likes several curries. "I love trying new kinds…
Tinder is an online dating and geosocial networking application. Many women go on Tinder to look for a husband, only to find out that many of the men on Tinder are already married. "If…
"If you're looking/waiting for a sign that you should have a glass of wine, this is it" is a jocular drinking saying that has been printed on many images, especially bar and…
"If you're looking for a sign to drink tonight, this is it" is a jocular drinking saying that has been printed on many images, especially bar and restaurant signs. "If…
American actor, comedian and radio host Harry Shearer has been credited since 2008 for a political saying: "Democrats always like to brag that their guys are smarter than the opponents and…
"If/when you're looking, you're not cooking" (or "If/when you're lookin', you ain't cookin'") is a barbecue rule not to constantly look under the…
"If you're lucky enough to be Irish, then you're lucky enough" is a popular St. Patrick's Day saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in…
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: List of misquotationsThis page consists of things that many people think are correct quotations but are actually incorrect. This does not include quotations…