“If you’re always straightening things, you have OCD. If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD”
"OBCD" sounds like "obesity." "OBCD" weas entered in the Urban Dictionary on April 7, 2011. "OBCD" should not be confused with "OCD"…
“If you’re American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?”/“European.”
A nationality joke is: Q: If you’re an American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom? A: European (you're a-peeing). The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. 12 April…
“If you’re asleep to the truth, you’ll drown in the lies”
"If you're asleep to the truth, you'll drown in the lies" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "IF YOU'RE ASLEEP TO THE TRUTH, YOU'LL DROWN IN THE…
“If you’re bored in New York, it’s your own fault”
The actress and New York City resident Myrna Loy (1905-1993) wrote in her 1987 autobiography: "If you’re bored in New York, it’s your own fault. Something’s always happening. But in…
“If you’re confused about gender, try milking a bull. That just might kick start your thinking”
"If you are still confused about gender, try milking a bull. That might kick start your thinking" and "If you're still confused about gender, try milking a bull and you'll…
“If you’re confused about gender, try milking a bull. You’ll learn real quick”
"If you are still confused about gender, try milking a bull. That might kick start your thinking" and "If you're still confused about gender, try milking a bull and you'll…
“If you’re down by the schoolyard, stay away from Rosie. She’s the Queen of Corona”
New York City-raised singer-songwriter Paul Simon sang these lyrics in the song "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" (1972): "Goodbye to Rosie, the queen of Corona." Simon was…
“If you’re drinking to forget, please pay in advance”
"If you're drinking to forget, please pay in advance" is a jocular sign in many drinking establishments. "If You're Drinking to Forget, Please Pay in Advance" has been…
“If you’re drunk at noon, you’re either living very well, or very poorly”
"If you're drunk at noon, you're either living very well, or very poorly" is a saying that was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on September 27, 2017. The saying became…
“If you’re even, he’s leavin’” (speed can’t be caught)
"If you're even, he's leavin'" is a football expression meaning that if a defensive back is "even" with the wide receiver, then that wide receiver (who is often…
“If you’re ever feeling down on your appearance, remember: even the ugliest potato can become a beautiful French fry”
Ugly things can become beautiful. For example, an ugly potato can become a beautiful french fry, and who doesn't love a french fry? "The moral of the story...even the ugliest potato can…
“If you’re ever feeling useless, remember that bags of ice have nutritional information”
A bag of ice contains nutritional information. The numbers are usually zero, but that information is there. "Think about this...if you’re ever feeling useless, just remember that ice has…
“If you’re ever lost in the outdoors, just find the North Star. Its gentle twinkling will comfort you…as you slowly die”
"If you are ever lost in the woods, look for the North Star. Its twinkling will comfort you as you die" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The first sentence…
“If you’re explaining, you’re losing”
"If you're explaining, you're losing' is a political axiom that dates in print to at least the 1980s. A politician who has to explain is often confusing and losing his or her…
“If you’re going to be salty, bring the tequila”
"If you're going to be salty, bring the tequila" is a jocular saying (usually referring to drinking margaritas) that has been printed on many images. "It's ok to be salty…
“If you’re going to fight, fight like you’re the third monkey on the ramp to Noah’s Ark”
"Fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp to Noah's Ark...and brother, it's startin' to rain" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. In the…
“If you’re going to panic, panic early” (Wall Street proverb)
"If you're going to panic, panic early!" is a Wall Street proverb that's cited in print from at least 2000. It means that one should be the first to sell (and get the highest…
“If you’re going to quit anything, quit making excuses and quit waiting for the right time”
"If you're going to quit anything, quit making excuses and quit waiting for the right time" is a motivational saying that has been printed on several images. "2013 is gone be…
“If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair” (bumper sticker)
"If you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair and make me scream!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. The bumper sticker saying was cited on…
“If you’re going to shoot the king, don’t miss”
Niccolò Machiavelli (1469-1527) wrote in The Prince (1505 in Italian, 1513 in English) what has been translated as "Never do an enemy a small injury." If one is striking out at an…