“If life gives you onions, make onionade”
"If/When life gives you onions, make onionade" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Life gave me onions. Onionade sucks" is another saying that has been…
“If life hands you gators, make Gatorade”
"If/When life gives/hands you gators, make Gatorade" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is a variant on the popular saying, "If life gives you…
“If life hands you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys/salsa/tomato sauce”
The phrase "to hand someone a lemon" (i.e., something defective) dates to at least 1906. The phrase "If life hands/deals/gives you lemons, make lemonade" (i.e., make the best of…
“If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling”
"If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "And when life is not smiling at you, then it…
“If life isn’t smiling at you, tickle it”
"If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "And when life is not smiling at you, then it…
“If light travels faster than the speed of sound, how come a car behind me honks before the green?”
Some people seem to honk a car in front of them at a red light before the light turns green. "Brooklyn is the only city where sound travels faster than light.The fella behind me honks 9…
“If lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to get hit?”/“The conductor.”
An orchestra riddle is: Q: If lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to get hit?A: The conductor. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1996. “My uncle was a great…
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” (Valentine’s Day joke)
"Love is blind" is an old proverb. "If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" is a popular Valentine's Day joke that has been printed on many images. The jocular…
“If Lunchables exist, why don’t Breakfastables and Dinnerables?”
There are "Lunchables" (trademarked in 1987), but no "Breakfastables" or "Dinnerables." However, the same company (Oscar Mayer) did trademark…
“If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" means that "mama" takes care of the whole household; if she's not feeling well, the whole family could suffer. "If…
“If Manwich changed their recipe, would it be called Tranwich?”
Manwich is a brand name of a canned sloppy joe sauce. There is no "Tranwich" or "Transwich," but there are jokes. "chicken breast and meat balls? Call it a tranwich"…
“If maple syrup is tree blood, can vegans and vegetarians eat it?”
“Maple syrup is tree blood” is a saying from at least the 1990s and 2000s. "If maple syrup is tree blood, can vegans and vegetarians eat it?" is a jocular saying that has been printed…
“If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the Lamb of God…” (joke)
The Gospel of John calls Jesus the "Lamb of God." This is not connected to the nursery rhyme "Mary Had a Little Lamb," but there are jokes. "'Mary had a little lamb is…
“If mashed apples are applesauce, why aren’t mashed potatoes called potatosauce?”
Mashed apples are called "apple sauce" (or "applesauce"), but mashed potatoes are not called "potato sauce" (or "potatosauce"). Also, there are "mashed…
“If mashed apples is apple sauce, then mashed potatoes is potato sauce”
Mashed apples are called "apple sauce" (or "applesauce"), but mashed potatoes are not called "potato sauce" (or "potatosauce"). Also, there are "mashed…
“If medicine worked, you wouldn’t need to refill your prescription”
"If medicine worked, you wouldn't need to refill your prescription" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying means that the pharmaceutical industry doesn't…
“If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament”
"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament" is a popular statement in support of abortion. Activists Florynce Kennedy and Gloria Steinem were in a taxicab (Steinem recalls…
“If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas again”
"If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker wants to wish people a happy Christmas, whether that is…
“If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas”
"If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker wants to wish people a happy Christmas, whether that is…
“If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry fucking Christmas”
"If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker wants to wish people a happy Christmas, whether that is…