“I would cook dinner, but I can’t find the can opener”
"I would cook dinner, but I can't find the can opener!" is a joke indicating that the speaker can't cook fresh, healthy food. The saying has appeared on a list of "Kitchen…
“I would definitely watch golf if land mines were involved”
"I would definitely watch golf if land mines were involved" ( or "I could actually watch golf on TV if land mines were involved") is a saying that has been printed on several…
“I would die for shopping. I’m a Walmartyr”
The portmanteau word "Walmartyr" or 'Wal-Martyr" (Walmart + martyr) has had more than one meaning. Walmart (or Wal-Mart) is a chain of retail stores. The Urban Dictionary…
“I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza”
"I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza" is a jocular anti-salad, pro-pizza saying. The saying was posted on Twitter by Men's Humor on December 10, 2012.…
“I would get up early and jog in the morning, but I don’t want to be the guy to find dead bodies”
There are many excuses for not taking a morning jog. "Ever noticed how it's always early morning joggers or dog owners that find dead bodies? Think that's a reason to not jog and own…
“I would like monkey bars a lot more if they were more like places where monkeys got really drunk”
"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…
“I would like monkey bars a lot more if they were more like places where monkeys got really drunk”
"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…
“I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient”
"I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly" is a jocular saying (popular on social media) that has been printed on many…
“I would like to check myself into The Very Hungry Caterpillar clinic where you eat your feelings for 6 days…”
The children's classic book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar (1969), shows a way of life that some people can identify with. This was posted on X/Twitter by Shannon on October 12, 2020: "I…
“I would like to suggest government-free zones”
"I would like to suggest government-free zones" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on several images. Government often imposes "gun-free zones" and…
“I would like Valentine’s Day to be abolished and replaced with a second Thanksgiving”
Many people don't like Valentine's Day because it's about love, but they do enjoy meeting people and eating together. It's been suggested to get rid of Valentine's Day and…
“I would lose weight, but I hate losing”
"I would lose weight, but I hate losing" is a jocular line that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. The saying has been cited on Twitter since July 25,…
“I would make a font joke, but I’m not bold enough”
“@iNusku: I want to make a font joke, but I'm just not bold enough" (the original tweet is no longer available) was posted on X/Twitter by Pkitass on May 24, 2011. "I would make a…
“I would never have believed that a few weeks of uncut hair would weigh 20 pounds”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines, and many people got fat. Barbershops were closed, and many people grew their hair long. "Hard to believe that five weeks of uncut…
“I would never hurt an animal. I’m more of a people person”
"I would never hurt/kill an animal. I'm more of a people person" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying could be a vegan or cannibal joke about eating animals…
“I would never invade the United States. There would be a gun behind every blade of grass”
"You cannot invade the mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind each/every blade of grass" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It is credited to Japanese…
“I would never kill an animal. I’m more of a people person”
"I would never hurt/kill an animal. I'm more of a people person" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying could be a vegan or cannibal joke about eating animals…
“I would never survive camping. I’ve already eaten all the snacks I packed for the day…”
Some people brings snacks to work, but eat them all right away. This was posted on Twitter by Ron Iver on June 21, 2022 and received over 17,400 likes: "I would never survive camping.…
“I would never try to poison you. Now eat your Pb and Jelly Sandwich”
"I would never try to poison you, Now eat your Pb and Jelly Sandwich" is a science joke that has been printed on many images. "Pb" stands for both "peanut butter" and…
“I would rather be covered in sweat at the gym than in clothes at the beach”
"I would rather be covered in sweat at the gym than in clothes at the beach" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many posters. The saying was cited on Twitter on April 9,…