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November 24, 2024
Work/Businesses

“I wonder what it’s like to actually have your shit together. I bet it’s glorious. I bet they let you ride unicorns”

"I wonder what it's like to actually have your shit together. I bet it's glorious. I bet they let you ride unicorns" is a jocula saying that has been printed on several images.…

March 3, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I wonder what the part of my brain that used to remember phone numbers is up to these days”

People used to remember phone numbers, but electronic devices now remember phone numbers. "The part of my brain that used to remember phone numbers is now filled with website passwords. I…

June 22, 2021
Food/Drink

“I wonder what would happen if you put a small insect in some soft French cheese, briefly?”

The word "briefly" is not composed of the words "brie" (a soft French cheese) and "fly (an insect), but there are jokes. "I wonder what would happen if you put an…

February 23, 2024
Food/Drink

“I wonder who farts in the packets of ham before sealing them up?”

Packets of ham have a certain smell, and some people believe that farts are added before a package is sealed. "It must be the weirdest job in the world putting farts in packets of ham #random…

March 12, 2024
Sports/Games

“I wonder why there are no women transitioning to men so that they can compete in men’s sports”

Men sometimes transition to women to participate in women's athletics, but few women transition to men to participate in men's athletics. "I wonder why there are no women…

October 15, 2014
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I wondered why somebody didn’t do something. Then I realized that I am somebody”

"I wondered why somebody didn't do something. Then I realized that I am somebody" is a popular saying of unknown authorship. *I waited for somebody to do something. Then I realized I…

June 18, 2015
Sports/Games

“I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me”

"I wondered why the baseball/frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me" is a popular Internet joke of unknown authorship. "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then…

April 13, 2019
Work/Businesses

“I work as a living statue. It’s a permanent position”

Many job seekers want a "permanent position." A "permanent position" doesn't mean to become a statue, but there are jokes. "Finally managed to get myself a job as a…

November 18, 2017
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I work as a waiter and, no, the pay isn’t great, but I put food on the table”

"I work as a waiter and, no, the pay isn’t great, but I put food on the table" is a popular joke about the job of a waiter. "I work as a waiter. The pay isn't great but I put…

September 8, 2021
Food/Drink

“I work hard all week to put coffee on the table”

"I work hard all week to put coffee on the table" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I work hard all week to put food on the table" is the original…

December 6, 2017
Pets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)Work/Businesses

“I work hard so my dog can have a better life”

"I work hard so my dog can have a better life" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Working hard so my dog can have a better life!" was posted on Twitter…

January 6, 2019
Work/Businesses

“I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold”

A joke was submitted to the UK Pun Championships by Colin Chadwick in February 2016: "I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold." The pun is on "twofold,"…

February 9, 2023
Food/Drink

“I work to buy coffee. I buy coffee so I can work. It’s the circle of life”

"I work to buy coffee. I buy coffee so I can work. It's the circle of life" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I work so I can buy iced coffee. I buy iced coffee…

February 7, 2023
Food/Drink

“I work to buy coffee. I buy coffee to work. It’s the circle of life”

"I work to buy coffee. I buy coffee so I can work. It's the circle of life" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I work so I can buy iced coffee. I buy iced coffee…

February 1, 2023
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I work with animals (...) I’m a butcher”

A joke is that a person "works with animals" -- and then it is revealed that this person is a butcher. "Best comment of the day...''I used to work with animals...Yhh…

November 14, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I worked as a programmer for autocorrect, but they fried me for no raisin”

"I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but they fried me for no raisin" was posted on Twitter by Kurt Kleynhans (and another poster) on July 14, 2016. "I used to work as a…

January 20, 2025
Work/Businesses

“I worked as an executioner at a gallows, but I couldn’t get the hang of it”

Some people who work or who go to school can't "get the hang of it" (understand it). This expression usually has nothing to do with hanging, but there are jokes. "Why was the…

December 3, 2020
Work/Businesses

“I worked in an office on a cul-de-sac. It was a dead end job”

A dead end street is sometimes called a cul-de-sac. There are several cul-de-sac jokes relating to a "dead end job." "I used to work in a cul-de-sac but it was dead end job..."…

January 6, 2016
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I worship the quicksand he walks on”

"I worship the very quicksand the President walks on," American humorist and Washington (DC) Post columnist Art Buchwald (1925-2007) said of U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson in 1966.…

April 12, 2018
Transportation

“I would buy an electric car, but they charge too much”

Electric cars need charges. "I wanted to get an electric car but I found they charged too much" is a pun that was posted on Twitter by C. Erika Lefevre (CAEL) on August 23. 2011. "I…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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