“I would cook dinner, but I can’t find the can opener”

“I would cook dinner, but I can’t find the can opener!” is a joke indicating that the speaker can’t cook fresh, healthy food. The saying has appeared on a list of “Kitchen Signs” since at least 2000 and is of unknown authorship.
 
         
TVTalkShows.com
Jeny
10-06-2000, 11:06 AM
KITCHEN SIGNS
(...)
I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!
 
14 November 2001, Centre Daily Times (State College, PA), pg. 1C:
Signs of the times
Sure “Kiss the cook” is a nice thought, but we think the following kitchen signs posted in a recent e-mail are so much more realistic.
By Chris Arbutina
(...)
I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener.
 
AJokeADay.com - Signs Jokes
I would cook dinner, but I can’t find the can opener!
(...)
Thanks to: Daniel Martindale - USA.
rec.:Nov/15/2002   pub.:Mar/28/2003
     
Jokeroo
handymanmike92683
12-15-2004 11:58 PM
Funny Kitchen Signs
(...)
8. I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!
   
Google Books
It’s a jungle at home
By Debra White Smith
Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers
2006
Pg. 193 (Kitchen Signs):
I would cook dinner, but I can’t find the can opener!
 
Google Books
12 Steps to Raw Foods:
How to End Your Dependency on Cooked Food
By Victoria Boutenko
Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books
2007
Pg. 59:
“I would cook dinner, but l can’t find the can opener!” — Author Unknown