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September 6, 2019
Transportation

“I was sitting in traffic the other day. It’s probably why I was run over”

Entry in progress -- B.P. Google BooksTwo Nuns In A BathBy Geoff TibballsLondon, UK: Constable & Robinson2009Pg. ?: I was sitting in traffic the other day, which was probably why I got run…

July 20, 2017
Food/Drink

“I was so drunk last night, when I got home I blew Chunks” (joke)

"I was so drunk last night, when I got home I blew Chunks" sounds like a harmless expression -- until the second line of the joke explains, "Chunks is my dog!" The joke was…

August 25, 2022
Education/Schools

“I was terrible at spelling when I was at school. Brilliant at jografy, though”

"I was terrible at spelling when I was at school.Brilliant at mattermattics, though. http://bit.ly/1mM33vw via @sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on December 28, 2015.…

August 25, 2022
Education/Schools

“I was terrible at spelling when I was at school. Brilliant at mattermattics, though”

"I was terrible at spelling when I was at school.Brilliant at mattermattics, though. http://bit.ly/1mM33vw via @sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on December 28, 2015.…

April 13, 2023
Food/Drink

“I was the best man for my brother’s wedding in Paris…” (French toast joke)

The word "toast" can be misunderstood. "If you have a wedding in Paris, does the best man give a French toast?" was posted on Twitter by Alex Sanchez on January 15, 2012. This…

March 27, 2023
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I was thinking about going to the Metropolitan Opera, but I am Met-averse”

The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City if often called "the Met." The Metropolitan Opera at New York's Lincoln Center is also called "the Met." Are people who…

June 21, 2018
Work/Businesses

“I was thinking about starting an awning company, but that’s a pretty shady business to get into”

There are several jokes that making awnings is a "shady" business. "Because a man makes awnings it doesn't always follow that he is engaged in a shady business" was printed…

November 25, 2017
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I was thinking of running a marathon…” (joke)

"Running a marathon" usually means running in a marathon, not running the marathon. Jordan Brookes‏ joked on Twitter on May 12, 2014: "I'd like to run a marathon but it seems…

May 22, 2020
Education/Schools

“I was thinking of studying astronomy, but I fear it’s all way over my head”

The stars are over our heads, but what about the study of astronomy? "RT @monkjail: I was thinking of studying astronomy, but I fear it's all a bit over my head" was posted on…

March 3, 2023
Education/Schools

“I was thrown out of music school for plagiarism. I didn’t steal songs; I was just taking notes”

"Taking notes" usually means "making notes," not "taking" or "stealing" them. Several jokes involve music school and music "notes." "I once…

March 3, 2023
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I was thrown out of music school for plagiarism. I wasn’t stealing songs; I was just taking notes”

"Taking notes" usually means "making notes," not "taking" or "stealing" them. Several jokes involve music school and music "notes." "I once…

April 28, 2025
Food/Drink

“I was today years old when I realized the straw hole in a CapriSun is the dot of the ‘i’”

CapriSun drinks have a straw that goes through the letter "i." Some people are astonished to be told this vital juice drink straw information. "How old were you when you realized the…

November 17, 2017
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I was told that exercise helps with your decision making.  It’s true. After going to the gym earlier, I’ve decided I’m never going again”

Does exercise help the mind with decision-making? A joke is: "I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym earlier, I've decided…

March 6, 2025
Time/Weather

“I was told that time heals all wounds, but what exactly do you do on the days that it feels like the hands on your clock have arthritis”

"Time heals all wounds" is an old saying that might or might not be true. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by Princess Buttercup on May 23, 2014, and it received over 7,500 likes:…

March 18, 2023
Education/Schools

“I was told there would be no math”

"It was my understanding that there would be no math" (or "I was told there would be no math") is a saying that has been printed on many images. It is a line that a student…

October 16, 2017
Food/Drink

“I was trying to remember what it’s called when you mix coffee and ice cream, but affogato!”

"Affogato" (Italian for "drowned") is a dessert, usually of vanilla gelato or ice cream "drowned" with a shot of expresso. "Espresso over ice cream. Can't…

September 15, 2019
Education/Schools

“I was very young when I learned to count. It was odd at first, even then”

Numbers are alternatively odd and even. "I was only young when I learned to count. It was odd at first, even then" was posted on Twitter by Lee Evans (and others) on April 13, 2011.…

January 15, 2025
Holidays/Events/Parades

“I was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, Ghost of Christmas Present and Ghost of Christmas Past Participle. It was a tense night”

A Christmas Carol (1843) is a novella by Charles Dickens. Ebenezer Scrooge, an elderly miser, is visited by the ghost of his former business partner Jacob Marley and the spirits of Christmas Past,…

October 22, 2024
Pets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)Streets

“I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit…” (joke)

A joke -- cited in pint since at least 1991 -- has a man walking on the sidewalk when he slips on dog shit. He gets up, and then another person slips on the same dog shit. "I just did…

July 29, 2023
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I was walking down the road and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a piano…”

An "orchestrated attack" is not necessarily an attack by an orchestra, but there are jokes. "I was walking down the road and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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