“I don’t even see the Oscars anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors”
"I don't even see the Oscars anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors" (or "I don't even see the Golden Globes anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors") is a…
“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do” (joke)
American actor and comedian Bob Newhart has told a joke about country music since at least 1980: "I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the…
“I don’t think I ever want to be a mime. It just doesn’t speak to me”
"I don't think the art of being a mime holds any artistic value. It just doesn't speak to me" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter on March 9, 2013. "As an art…
“I don’t understand why record stores are failing. They have record sales every year”
How can a business with record sales ever fail? A joke was posted on Twitter by SEC Fort Worth on January 2, 2017: "We don’t understand why record stores failed. They had record sales…
“I don’t usually brag about my drum jokes, but um…tss”
"But um..." sounds like the sting of a drummer ("ba dum tiss"). A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 13, 2020: "I don't usually brag about my drum jokes,…
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work”
New York-born comedian, actor and film director Woody Allen has achieved immortality through his work, but he said that he didn't want that: "I don't want to achieve immortality…
“I don’t like to toot my own horn, which is why I steal other people’s trumpets”
"Toot one's own horn" (to promote one's self) is an idiomatic expression. It has little to do with actually playing horns, but there are jokes. "I don't like to toot…
“I dropped everything to become a juggler”
"I had a friend who dropped everything to become a juggler" is a pun that was posted on Twitter by Jason Buck on June 23, 2009. "I dropped everything to become a juggler" was…
“I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I’m not very good at it”
"I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it" is a funny one-liner. Scottish Jewish comedian Arnold Brown said it at the Edinburgh Festival…
“I feel like doin’ a Big Apple” (Mae West as Eve, talking about the Big Apple dance)
Brooklyn-born actress, singer, playwright, screenwriter, comedian, and sex symbol Mae West (1893-1980) appeared on ventriloquist Edgar Bergen's radio show The Chase and Sanborn Hour on…
“I got expelled from music school for theft, but all I was doing was taking notes”
"Taking notes" usually means "making notes," not "taking" or "stealing" them. Several jokes involve music school and music "notes." "I once…
“I got fired from my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene”
"Without making a scene" means without disruption. A theatre joke is: "I got fired from my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene." The theatre pun has been…
“I got hit by a violin, a clarinet and a French horn today. It was an orchestrated attack”
An "orchestrated attack" is not necessarily an attack by an orchestra, but there are jokes. "I was walking down the road and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a…
“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine”
A dancer's career often involves injuries. Comedian Rita Rudner started as a dancer on Broadway, until she suffered an injury. "I pulled a groin muscle," Rudner said in 1988.…
“I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City” (1969)
Harry Nilsson wrote "I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City" for the movie Midnight Cowboy (1969), but the director used Nilsson's "Everybody's Talkin'"…
“I Happen To Like New York” (1930)
"I Happen To Like New York" was written by Cole Porter for his show The New Yorkers. Cole Porter is one of the greatest lyricists of all time, but this song usually does not rank among…
“I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once and the seat folded up”
"I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once and the seat folded up" is a jocular saying that has been cited in print since at least September 2000, when it was included in a joke list.…
“I hate to toot my own horn, but I’ve gotten pretty good at playing other people’s trumpets!”
"Toot one's own horn" (to promote one's self) is an idiomatic expression. It has little to do with actually playing horns, but there are jokes. "I don't like to toot…
“I Have a Little Dreidel” or “My Dreidel” (The Dreidel Song)
Entry in progress -- B.P.dreidel Wikipedia: I Have a Little Dreidel"I Have a Little Dreidel" (also known as "The Dreidel Song" or "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel") is a…
“I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer and I have a Czech one too”
Sound engineers often test by saying, "Check one-two." A joke has been printed on several images: "I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band. I have a Czech one too. A Czech…