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November 2, 2024
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/CircusPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“I can’t watch a movie where a dog dies, but I will watch a serial killer documentary where 27 people are murdered to relax at night”

Many pet lovers cannot watch a movie where a pet dies. "I can't watch a movie where a dog dies, but I will watch a serial killer documentary where 27 people are murdered to relax at…

May 11, 2019
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I come from a family of failed magicians. I’ve got two half-sisters”

Many magicians have performed the "sawing a woman in half" trick. A joke was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on May 23, 2014: "I belong to a family of failed…

January 28, 2016
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I come from a long line of conga dancers”

A dancer doing some genealogy might pun: "I come from a long line of conga dancers." The joke was cited on Sickipedia in 2010 and was first cited on Twitter on March 28, 2010. Wikipedia:…

May 8, 2020
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I could sing a verse for you. But I’ll refrain”

"Refrain" can be a verb or a noun. "I was going to make a bad music pun, but I'll refrain from doing as such" was posted on Twitter by Morris Dutchley on October 3, 2011.…

October 1, 2025
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I dance like people wish they weren’t watching”

The song “Come from the Heart” (1987) by Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh contains the lyrics: “Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s…

January 14, 2021
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I danced like no one was watching, but someone was watching and he thought I was having a seizure”

The song "Come from the Heart" (1987) by Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh contains the lyrics: "Sing like no one is listening.Love like you’ve never been hurt.Dance like nobody’s…

July 1, 2015
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words”

"I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words" os a jocular saying that has been printed on an ecard. The saying was on Twitter on February 24, 2011. Similar jokes…

June 24, 2016
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I didn’t ask you to dance. I said you look fat in those pants”

A classic failed pickup line -- and snarky response -- is: Man: Do you want to dance? Woman: No! Man: I think you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants. The joke has been cited in print…

October 12, 2022
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally”

"I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally" (or "I do all my own stunts, but/just not intentionally") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "RT…

October 12, 2022
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I do all my own stunts, but not intentionally”

"I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally" (or "I do all my own stunts, but/just not intentionally") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "RT…

October 12, 2022
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I do all my own stunts, just not intentionally”

"I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally" (or "I do all my own stunts, but/just not intentionally") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "RT…

January 1, 2020
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/CircusPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“I don’t care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives”

Many people love dogs -- even more than they love other people. "I don't care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…

May 27, 2013
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either”

"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either" is said by some winners at awards presentations (especially entertainment awards), recalling a…

March 11, 2024
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t even see the Golden Globes anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors”

"I don't even see the Oscars anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors" (or "I don't even see the Golden Globes anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors") is a…

March 11, 2024
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t even see the Oscars anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors”

"I don't even see the Oscars anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors" (or "I don't even see the Golden Globes anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors") is a…

December 19, 2017
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do” (joke)

American actor and comedian Bob Newhart has told a joke about country music since at least 1980: "I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the…

January 17, 2018
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t think I ever want to be a mime. It just doesn’t speak to me”

"I don't think the art of being a mime holds any artistic value. It just doesn't speak to me" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter on March 9, 2013. "As an art…

July 14, 2017
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t understand why record stores are failing. They have record sales every year”

How can a business with record sales ever fail? A joke was posted on Twitter by SEC Fort Worth‏ on January 2, 2017: "We don’t understand why record stores failed. They had record sales…

March 13, 2020
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t usually brag about my drum jokes, but um…tss”

"But um..." sounds like the sting of a drummer ("ba dum tiss"). A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 13, 2020: "I don't usually brag about my drum jokes,…

January 31, 2016
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work”

New York-born comedian, actor and film director Woody Allen has achieved immortality through his work, but he said that he didn't want that: "I don't want to achieve immortality…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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