“I don’t like to toot my own horn, which is why I steal other people’s trumpets”
"Toot one's own horn" (to promote one's self) is an idiomatic expression. It has little to do with actually playing horns, but there are jokes. "I don't like to toot…
“I dropped everything to become a juggler”
"I had a friend who dropped everything to become a juggler" is a pun that was posted on Twitter by Jason Buck on June 23, 2009. "I dropped everything to become a juggler" was…
“I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I’m not very good at it”
"I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it" is a funny one-liner. Scottish Jewish comedian Arnold Brown said it at the Edinburgh Festival…
“I feel like doin’ a Big Apple” (Mae West as Eve, talking about the Big Apple dance)
Brooklyn-born actress, singer, playwright, screenwriter, comedian, and sex symbol Mae West (1893-1980) appeared on ventriloquist Edgar Bergen's radio show The Chase and Sanborn Hour on…
“I got expelled from music school for theft, but all I was doing was taking notes”
"Taking notes" usually means "making notes," not "taking" or "stealing" them. Several jokes involve music school and music "notes." "I once…
“I got fired from my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene”
"Without making a scene" means without disruption. A theatre joke is: "I got fired from my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene." The theatre pun has been…
“I got hit by a violin, a clarinet and a French horn today. It was an orchestrated attack”
An "orchestrated attack" is not necessarily an attack by an orchestra, but there are jokes. "I was walking down the road and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a…
“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine”
A dancer's career often involves injuries. Comedian Rita Rudner started as a dancer on Broadway, until she suffered an injury. "I pulled a groin muscle," Rudner said in 1988.…
“I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City” (1969)
Harry Nilsson wrote "I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City" for the movie Midnight Cowboy (1969), but the director used Nilsson's "Everybody's Talkin'"…
“I Happen To Like New York” (1930)
"I Happen To Like New York" was written by Cole Porter for his show The New Yorkers. Cole Porter is one of the greatest lyricists of all time, but this song usually does not rank among…
“I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once and the seat folded up”
"I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once and the seat folded up" is a jocular saying that has been cited in print since at least September 2000, when it was included in a joke list.…
“I hate to toot my own horn, but I’ve gotten pretty good at playing other people’s trumpets!”
"Toot one's own horn" (to promote one's self) is an idiomatic expression. It has little to do with actually playing horns, but there are jokes. "I don't like to toot…
“I Have a Little Dreidel” or “My Dreidel” (The Dreidel Song)
Entry in progress -- B.P.dreidel Wikipedia: I Have a Little Dreidel"I Have a Little Dreidel" (also known as "The Dreidel Song" or "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel") is a…
“I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer and I have a Czech one too”
Sound engineers often test by saying, "Check one-two." A joke has been printed on several images: "I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band. I have a Czech one too. A Czech…
“I just bought a film with 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated DVD”
There are many "pirated" DVDs, and the word is sometimes punned as "pi" rated. "RT: @FunnyJoker: I just bought a film with 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated DVD"…
“I just quit belly dancing. I no longer have the stomach for it”
To "not have the stomach for (something)" means to lack the courage, determination, or resolve to do it. The idiom usually doesn't involve the stomach, but there are belly dancing…
“I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone”
Many people hate mimes. "I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone" was posted on Twitter by Jason Maybe on January 22, 2011. "I just strangled a mime.... With a cordless…
“I Left My Heart in San Francisco” (1954, 1962) (“Forgotten in Manhattan” lyric)
"I Left My Heart In San Francisco" was written in 1953 by George Cory (music) and Douglass Cross (lyrics) in Brooklyn, NY, when they had moved to New York City but were nostalgic for San…
“I like my country music at the volume where I can’t hear you complaining about it”
"I like my country music at the volume where I can’t hear you complaining about it" is a county music saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "I like my…
“I like to hold hands at the movies. Which always seems to startle strangers”
American comedian Tom Rhodes posted on Twitter on August 25, 2012: "I like to hold hands at the movies. Which always seems to startle strangers." The line was voted as one of the top…