“I call myself terms and conditions because y’all keep ignoring me”
People often ignore reading terms and conditions. "RT @Abbyglasby: Being ignored so much I call myself Terms & Conditions" was posted on Twitter by سارة on October 3, 2012.…
“I can give you the formula for failure: Try to please everybody”
Longtime New York (NY) World editor Herbert Bayard Swope (1882-1958) said at a December 1950 dinner in his honor, as reported by Leonard Lyons: "Swope responded thus: He said that from the…
“I can no longer read Charlie Brown comic strips due to my Peanuts allergy”
Peanuts is a syndicated comic strip that was published from 1950 to 2000. Some Peanuts television holiday specials featured the Charlie Brown and Snoopy characters. Peanuts has nothing to do with a…
“I can only sleep on stacks of old magazines. I’ve got back issues”
There have been several magazine puns on the term "back issues." "Did you hear about the woman who kept hurting herself lifting her boxes of old magazines? She had a lot of back…
“I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone”
"I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone" -- referring to the days before smartphones -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on several images.…
“I can’t see an end, I have no control… Time for a new keyboard”
"I can’t see an end. I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape - I don’t even have a home anymore. Time for a new keyboard" is a computer keyboard joke that was…
“I changed my password to ‘incorrect.’ When I forget, it will tell me, ‘Your password is incorrect’”
"I changed my password to 'incorrect.' So that whenever I forget, it will tell me, 'Your password is incorrect'" is a jocular computer saying that has been printed on…
“I changed the name of my hard drive to ‘that thang’” (joke)
A computer joke was posted on Twitter on October 13, 2010: "I changed the name of my hard drive to 'that thang', so once a month, my computer asks me if i wanna back that that thang…
“I consider page 2 of Google results the dark web”
What is the dark web? It's a mysterious part of the web that is not indexed. However, to many, the dark web is Google search page two (where they never go). "I suspect 'the dark…
“I correct auto correct more than auto correct corrects me”
"I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. This makes autocorrect mostly useless. "all the timeeee!…
“I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me”
"I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. This makes autocorrect mostly useless. "all the timeeee!…
“I crashed my bike in 1983 and scraped my knee. We didn’t have internet then, so I’m telling you now”
"In the 1980s I fell off my bike and hurt my knee. I'm telling you this now because we didn't have social media back then" ia an internet saying that has been printed on many…
“I delete enough status updates to know that I should never get a tattoo”
"I've deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo" is a saying meaning that the speaker changes thoughts so often, something permanent (a tattoo on the…
“I delete enough tweets and status updates to know that I should never get a tattoo”
"I've deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo" is a saying meaning that the speaker changes thoughts so often, something permanent (a tattoo on the…
“I designed a website for orphans. There isn’t a home page”
A joke about a website's home page is: "I designed a website for orphans. There isn't a home page." The joke was posted on Twitter on April 15, 2015 and was originally posted on…
“I do my best proofreading after I hit ‘send’”
"I do my best proofreading after I hit 'send'" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on March 14, 2009, but it…
“I don’t always have to retype my password, but when I do, I stab each letter into the keyboard”
Many people have to retype a password. When they retype it, they often do it carefully, and stab the keyboard. "I don't always have to retype my password but when I do, I stab each letter…
“I don’t believe the liberal media”
"I don't believe the liberal media" was a slogan of the National Conservative Foundation in 1985. Later, the slogan was used by the Media Research Center (a conservative media…
“I don’t need Google. My boyfriend knows everything!”
"I don't need Google. My boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife knows everything!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't need Google because my wife…
“I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone & ignore them like other adults”
"I don't run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone and ignore them like all the other adults" and "I don't run from my problems. I sit on my sofa, play on…