“My friend has got an excellent nose for wine. It’s shaped like a corkscrew”
Some people are said to have a "nose for wine." They can sniff a wine and tell about its properties. "My friend has got an excellent nose for wine. It's shaped like a…
“My friend is so vegan, he won’t even have his picture taken because he’d have to say ‘cheese’”
A photographer sometimes gets people to smile by getting subjects to say "cheese." A joke is: "My friend is so vegan, he won't even have his picture taken because he'd have…
“My friend said onions are the only food that make you cry—so I threw a coconut at his face”
"My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face" is a joke that has been printed on several posters. The joke has…
“My friend tried to convince me ‘whey’ is spelled ‘whfey.’ There’s no f in whey”
"There's no fucking way" is sometimes given a pun with the word "whey." "There's no 'F' in 'whey'" was posted on Twitter by James Jillson…
“My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies”
A business that goes into "liquidation" usually doesn't literally become liquid, but there are jokes. "My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell…
“My gauge is fine ‘til the third glass of wine”
"My gauge is fine 'til the third glass of wine" is a saying that has been printed on a button. "My gauge is fine 'til the third glass of wine" was cited on Twitter on…
“My girlfriend disliked my obsession with Japanese food, sushi left me”
"Sushi" sounds a little bit like "so she." A pun is: "My girlfriend disliked my obsession with Japanese food, sushi left me." The joke was posted on Twitter on…
“My girlfriend fell in an ice cream store. She’s now a sore bae”
A pun on "sorbet" is: "My girlfriend fell in an ice cream store. She's now a sore bae." The "sore bae" joke has had many forms. "My girlfriend is mad that I…
“My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy…so I got drunk”
"My wife gave me £50 and said spend it on something that makes me look sexy. So I got drunk on Jack Daniels" was posted on Twitter on December 21, 2011. "Whilst out xmas shopping…
“My gran’s collection of antique gravy boats were Bistoed upon me”
Bisto is a well-known brand of gravy. It should not be confused with "bestow," but there are jokes. "My gran's collection of antique gravy boats were Bistoed upon me #1PUN"…
“My grandfather makes his own cream cheese. It’s called Pap Schmear”
A "pap smear" has nothing to do with a "schmear" (or "shmear"), but there are jokes. Sometimes the "pap" stands for "papaya," "paprika"…
“My grandmother Eleanor gave me her seafood recipes, but nobody wants to try my Salmon Ella”
Salmonella (bacteria) has nothing to do with salmon (a fish) or anyone named Ella, but there are jokes. "I heard that Ella Fitzgerald and Sammy Davis Jr. are buying out the Jewel Food Store…
“My Greek yogurt is expired. Does this make it Ancient Greek yogurt now?”
Does expired Greek yogurt acquire more culture and become Ancient Greek yogurt? "And the yogurt's so old it's officially Ancient Greek yogurt!" was posted on Twitter by Duncan…
“My heart bleeds blue borscht”
"My heart bleeds blue borscht" ("My heart beats blue borscht" also has a few recorded citations) means that the speaker couldn't care less -- just the opposite of "my…
“My hobbies are breakfast, lunch and dinner”
"My hobbies are breakfast, lunch and dinner" is a jocular line that has been printed on shirts."My favourite hobbies are breakfast, lunch and dinner" was cited on Twitter on…
“My hobbies include drinking alcohol and throwing sarcasm around like confetti”
"My hobbies include drinking wine and throwing sarcasm around like confetti" is a wine saying that has been printed on an image. The saying (and image) was posted on Facebook and Twitter…
“My hobbies include drinking beer and throwing sarcasm around like confetti”
"My hobbies include drinking wine and throwing sarcasm around like confetti" is a wine saying that has been printed on an image. The saying (and image) was posted on Facebook and Twitter…
“My hobbies include drinking coffee and throwing sarcasm around like confetti”
"My hobbies include drinking wine and throwing sarcasm around like confetti" is a wine saying that has been printed on an image. The saying (and image) was posted on Facebook and Twitter…
“My hobbies include drinking vodka and throwing sarcasm around like confetti”
"My hobbies include drinking wine and throwing sarcasm around like confetti" is a wine saying that has been printed on an image. The saying (and image) was posted on Facebook and Twitter…
“My hobbies include drinking wine and throwing sarcasm around like confetti”
"My hobbies include drinking wine and throwing sarcasm around like confetti" is a wine saying that has been printed on an image. The saying (and image) was posted on Facebook and Twitter…