"If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have…

“If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup” is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The line has been cited in print since at least 1995 and has been credited to American comedian Norm Crosby.

Wikipedia: Norm Crosby
Norman Lawrence Crosby (born September 15, 1927 in Boston) is an American comedian sometimes associated with the Borscht Belt who often appeared on television in the 1970s. He is known for his use of malapropisms and is often called “The Master of Malaprop”.

6 August 1995, Detroit (MI) News, “Sunday Best” by Joe Falls, pg. 8D, col. 6:
Winderupper: If your eyes hurt after your drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.

Google Groups: alt.fan.landmark
Some Coaching (was: Ignorant Cyber Boors)
AScriabin
5/14/96
(...)
Let me leave you with this: If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.

Google Books
A Treasury of Humor:
Thousands of humorous stories, jokes, anecdotes and one-liners, up-to-date and categorized for ease of use
By Lowell D. Streiker
Peabody, MA: Hendrickson
2000
Pg. 18:
If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, try taking the spoon out of the cup. —Norm Crosby

Google Books
Boomer’s Guide to Getting the Weight Off for Good
By Roberta Schwartz Wennik
Indianapolis, IN: Alpha
2003
Pg. 229:
If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup. — Norm Crosby

Google Books
Uncle John’s Triumphant 20th Anniversary Bathroom Reader
By Bathroom Readers’ Institute
Ashland, OR: Portable Press
2007
Pg. ?:
“If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.” —Norm Crosby

7 April 2008, The Mercury (Durban, South Africa), “Arms bazaar” by Karen Louw, pg. 6:
If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup. - Norm Crosby

Google Books
The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said
By Robert Byrne
New York, NY: Touchstone
2012
Pg. ?:
2,118
If your eyes hurt after drinking coffee, try drinking it without the spoon in the cup. —Norm Crosby

Facebook
“jus’sayin”
May 11, 2015 ·
If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup… 😉

YourTango
15 Good Morning Quotes To Send To Someone You Really, REALLY Miss
Shelby Henderson
May 19, 2017
(...)
4. Or add some more sugar.
“If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.” - Norm Crosby

Reddit—Jokes
Posted by u/Rumbuck_274 May 14, 2019
If your eyes hurt after drinking coffee
Then take the spoon out of the cup dickhead