“I bought bath salts, but my bath still tastes bland”
Bath salts are not for eating baths -- and there is no "bath peppers" -- but there are jokes. "For the woman you love, how about bath salts? And for the woman you hate how about bath…
“I bought cherries and cherry bombs. Bought a Bing, bought a boom”
"Bada bing, bada boom!" is an expression to emphasize something regarded as surprising, sudden, effortlessly achieved or impressive. There have been many puns on the expression, with a…
“I bought powdered water, but I don’t know what to add to it”
"Just add water" is a popular direction on simple recipes or product instructions. "I bought powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it" is a joke that has been…
“I bought some HP sauce the other day. It’s costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years”
HP Sauce is a brown sauce popular in the United Kingdom. British prop comedian and magician Tommy Cooper (1921-1984) was credited in 2001 for this joke: "I bought some HP sauce the other day.…
“I bought some pepper spray yesterday. What a terrible product! It made my bolognese taste awful”
Pepper spray is not a food product, but there are jokes. "On recommendation of a buddy I bought some pepper spray. Must say, it does not taste half as good as I would have hoped" was…
“I bought some rocket salad yesterday, but it went off before I could eat it”
"Rocket salad" doesn't contain rocketships, but there's a joke: "I bought some rocket salad yesterday, but it went off before I could eat it." The joke was posted on…
“I burnt my Hawaiian pizza. I should’ve put it on aloha setting”
A popular Hawaiian pizza pun is: "I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night... I should've put it on aloha setting." That is, "a lower" oven temperature setting. "I just…
“I buy fresh vegetables every day. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon”
"I buy/pick fresh vegetables every day. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "HEALTHY EATING #36 I BUY…
“I buy store brand Spanish rice, not name brands. As they say, ‘Arroz by any other name…’”
"Arroz" (the Spanish word for "rice") can sound like "a "rose." "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" is a famous line from William…
“I called my wife and told her that I’ll pick up Fish and Chips” (joke)
A joke about "picking up fish and chips" has the food item as proper names. "I phoned my wife. 'Do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?' I think she still…
“I came here to drink and fuck and I’m almost done drinking”
"I came here to drink and fuck and I'm about/almost/also done drinking" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "just released 'I came here to drink and fuck and…
“I came here to drink and fuck and I’m also done drinking”
"I came here to drink and fuck and I'm about/almost/also done drinking" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "just released 'I came here to drink and fuck and…
“I came here to drink and fuck…and I’m about done drinking”
"I came here to drink and fuck and I'm about/almost/also done drinking" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "just released 'I came here to drink and fuck and…
“I came, I ate, I conquered”
"Veni, vidi, vici" is Latin for "I came, I saw, I conquered." "I came, I ate, I conquered" is a food version. "I CAME, I ATE, I CONQUERED" was published in a…
“I came, I saw, I coffee’d”
"I came, I saw, I coffeed" (or "I came, I saw, I coffee'd") is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images." Veni, vidi, vici" ("I came, I saw, I…
“I can be nice. Just add coffee”
"I can be nice. Just add coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I can be nice, just add coffee" was posted on Twitter by Death Wish Coffee Co. on…
“I can eat a lot of sweet potatoes because I am polyyamorous”
"Polyamorous" means having relationships with multiple partners. It does not mean the love of many yams -- poly yam -- but there are jokes. "I'm polyYAMorous!…
“I can eat anything I want and not get fat because I’m already fat”
Some people can seemingly eat anything and not get fat. Mark Leggett posted on Twitter on April 23, 2014: "I can eat anything I want and not get fat because I'm already fat." The…
“I can eat sugar with either hand. I’m ambidextrose”
"I can eat sugar with either hand. I'm ambidextrose" ("ambidetrose" is a portmanteau of "ambidextrous" and "dextrose") is a joke that has been printed…
“I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell”
"I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell" is a joke from British stand-up comedian Gary Delaney, who used it in the BBC show Mock the Week. The joke was posted to…