“How do you feel about canned food? Personally, I’d give it an ate out of tin”
"Ate out of tin" sounds like "8 out of 10." "Ate-out-of-tin homeless people are malnourished" was posted on Twitter by AstonishingSod on November 20, 2009, and again…
“How do you fix a broken pizza?”/“Tomato paste.”
A popular pizza joke is: "How do you fix a broken pizza?""Use tomato paste!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. Google BooksSilly School JokesBy Gary Perkins…
“How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?”/“With a pumpkin patch.”
A popular Halloween pumpkin riddle is: Q: How do you mend a broken jack-o'lantern?A: With a pumpkin patch! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1994, when it was printed in many…
“How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?”/“Unzip it.”
An NSFW riddle is: Q: How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?A: Unzip it. A "fly" is small and has almost no meat, but the "fly" in the joke is a zipper. Sometimes "a…
“How do you handle a dangerous cheese?”/“Caerphilly.”
Caerphilly cheese originates in the town of Caerphilly in Wales. The cheese has been the subject of some obvious puns, such as this one in 1994: Q: How do Welsh people eat cheese? A: Caerphilly.…
“How do you inspect Greek food?”/“With a gyroscope.”
"Gyro" (a Greek food) and "gyroscope" a measuring device) are not the same thing and are usually not pronounced the same, but there are jokes. "New iPhone 4 adds a…
“How do you insult a hamburger patty?”/“Call it a meatball!”
A hamburger riddle is: Q: How do you insult a hamburger patty? A: Call it a meatball. The joke was printed in the book One Hundred and One Hamburger Jokes (1978) by Phil Hirsch. Google BooksOne…
“How do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer?”/“Invite two of them.”
A popular joke is told about Southern Baptists: Q: If you invite a Baptist to go fishing with you, how do you keep him from drinking all your beer?A: Invite two of them! That is, the Baptists will…
“How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?”/“You take away its tiny brooms.”
Bacon curls in the frying pan. This has nothing to do with the sport of curling, but there is a joke: Q: How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan?A: You take away its tiny brooms! The…
“How do you kill a coffee bean?”/“By decaf-itation.”
"Decapitation" (cutting off someone's head) is sometimes written as the coffee joke portmanteau word "decafitation" (decaf coffee, to many a "decapitation" of…
“How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one”
"How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, he buys more beer than he…
“How do you know if someone is a vegan?”/“Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”
"How do you know if someone is a vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on posters. The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“How do you know that carrots are good for your eyes?”/“Have you ever seen rabbits wearing glasses?”
Does eating carrots improve one's eyesight? A popular riddle is: Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyes?A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? The joke has been cited…
“How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew?”/“When it has hares in it.”
A riddle about rabbit stew (or rabbit soup or rabbit pie) is: Q: How do you know when you're eating rabbit stew?A: It has hares in it. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1979 and…
“How do you know when your girlfriend is getting too fat?”/“She fits in your wife’s clothes.”
A popular fat joke -- from a man's perspective -- is: Q: How do you know when your girlfriend is getting too fat?A: She fits in your wife's clothes. The joke has been cited in print since…
“How do you like them apples?”
"How do you like them apples?" (or "How do you like those apples?") means "How do you like that? or "What do you think of that?" The circumstances…
“How do you make a Belgian waffle?”/“Ask him why they have never won the World Cup.”
"How do you make a Belgian waffle?" has had several joke punchlines. "How do you make a Belgian waffle? Mention the Congo" was posted on Twitter by The Shogun of Sorrow on July…
“How do you make a Black Russian?”/“Get the BBC to remake Dr. Zhivago.”
A cocktail riddle is: Q: How do you make a Black Russian?A: Get the BBC to remake Dr. Zhivago. A "Black Russian" is a cocktail. Dr. Zhivago (1965) is a classic film, set in Russia in…
“How do you make a cheese puff?”/“Chase it around the block.”
A cheese puff riddle is: Q: How do you make a cheese puff?A: Chase it around the kitchen.A: Chase it around the block. "[Joke Time] How do you make a cheese puff? ... Chase it around the…
“How do you make a cheese puff?”/“Chase it around the kitchen.”
A cheese puff riddle is: Q: How do you make a cheese puff?A: Chase it around the kitchen.A: Chase it around the block. "[Joke Time] How do you make a cheese puff? ... Chase it around the…