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July 11, 2024
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I’m so out of shape, I got winded taking the tour of the gym”

"Wow, Im so out of shape that Im winded just taking the tour of the gym!" was posted on X/Twitter by Chia (KAI-ya) on November 16, 2009. "I’m so out of shape, I got winded taking…

March 15, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I’m so strong I can lift a house! Well, only if it’s a lighthouse”

A weightlifting joke was posted on Twitter on May 6, 2014: Stranger: You can lift a house? Me: Yep.Stranger: Wow, you must be strong.Me: Nah, it's a light house. "I'm so strong I can…

January 14, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I’m so unfamiliar with my gym that I have started calling it Mr. James”

"Gym" sounds like the personal name "Jim" (a male name for "James"). "A buddy and I used to call the gym "the James" because we didn't know it well…

July 28, 2020
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I’ve got a funny joke about gymnastics, but it’s a bit of a stretch”

"I managed to finally come up with a joke about yoga but it's a bit of a stretch" was posted on Twitter by Ashley Maltz on October 18, 2012. "Got this joke about yoga but it’s…

July 27, 2020
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I’ve got a joke about yoga, but it’s a bit of a stretch”

"I managed to finally come up with a joke about yoga but it's a bit of a stretch" was posted on Twitter by Ashley Maltz on October 18, 2012. "Got this joke about yoga but it’s…

April 6, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If ‘sat’ is the past tense of the word ‘sit’, then the past tense of ‘fit’ should be ‘fat’”

The past tense of "fit" is not "fat," but there are jokes. Often "sit" and "sat" are compared. "And is 'fat' the past tense of…

April 6, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If ‘shat’ is the past tense of ‘shit’, then ‘fat’ must be the past tense of ‘fit’”

Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterMonica Holton@Moni2332I still think the past tense of "Fit" should be "Fat" just like "Shit" and "Shat"...12:40 PM - 24 Jul…

September 29, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If a 100 yd dash champion weds a marathon runner, is it a mixed race marriage?”

A "mixed race marriage" usually does not involve running, but there are jokes. "I happen to know that at least one anti-spammer who frequents NANAE is in a mixed-race marriage (...)…

March 17, 2021
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’m doing a 0.0000005K run to raise awareness for laziness”

"I'm running in a 0.0000005K run to raise awareness for laziness" was posted on Twitter by thotrey hepurn on February 16, 2017. That is, the lazy person is barely moving at all, just…

January 25, 2020
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If by ‘crunches’ you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches”

"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…

January 25, 2020
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If by ‘crunches’ you mean the sound bacon makes when you eat it, then yes, I do crunches”

"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…

January 25, 2020
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If by ‘crunches’ you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes I do crunches”

"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…

December 12, 2022
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If ever you’re feeling sad, just go for a run…” (joke)

"If ever you're feeling sad, just go for a run" might, at first, seem like good advice. However, a joke often follows this. "If you’re ever sad, just go for a run. Then…

March 10, 2016
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If God wanted us to bend over, He’d have put diamonds on the floor”

Brooklyn-born comedian Joan Rivers (1933-2014) -- no fan of exercise -- said in 1988: "I don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over, He'd put diamonds on the floor." The…

February 24, 2013
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If gymnastics were easy, it would be called football”

"If gymnastics were easy, it would be called football" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, posters and bumper stickers. "If gymnastics were easy,…

November 14, 2022
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If I die at the gym, please add more weights before calling emergency services”

"If I die while lifting weights, add more weights then call 911" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "If I die at the gym please put more weight on the bar…

November 14, 2022
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If I die while lifting weights, add more weights then call 911”

"If I die while lifting weights, add more weights then call 911" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "If I die at the gym please put more weight on the bar…

January 16, 2015
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die”

"If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die" is a jocular statement made by an out-of-shape person that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, hats and…

February 19, 2024
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If I knew how to back flip that’d be my response to everything”

"If I knew how to back flip that'd be my response to everything" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on X/Twitter by teffi on September 16, 2022,…

March 20, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If I pass out, please note my time”

"If I pass out, please note my time" is a jocular exercise saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on August 4, 2012. Twitter…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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