“I just joined a gym for religious minorities—Jehovah’s Fitness”
"Jehovah's Fitness" is a gym pun of "Jehovah's Witness." "Is considering the PC ramifications of opeining a Christians only Gym called 'Jehovah's…
“I just pulled a muscle tearing up my gym membership card”
"I just pulled a muscle tearing up my gym membership card" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Uncle Duke on May 3, 2018. It was reposted by Uncle Duke on Bluesky on August 1, 2025.…
“I knew school was a joke when I had a fat PE teacher”
"I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn't own a business, and my PE teacher was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words, the teachers…
“I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat”
"I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn't own a business, and my PE teacher was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words, the teachers…
“I knew school was a scam when we had a fat PE teacher”
"I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn't own a business, and my PE teacher was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words, the teachers…
“I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me”
"I am fond of long walks—when taken by some folks who annoy me" is a jocular line that was cited in a February 1932 newspaper, without attribution. "Fred Allen admits that he likes…
“I love doing crunches. If by ‘doing crunches’ you mean ‘eating chips’”
"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…
“I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat”
"I love my six-pack (abs) so much, I protect it with a layer of fat" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Yes -- I do work out and I do have a six-pac.…
“I met my ex-wife at the gym. We didn’t work out”
There's a difference between "workout" and "work out," and there's a pun: "I met my ex-wife down at the gym. We didn't workout." The joke was cited on…
“I might wake up early and go running…” (joke)
"I might wake up early and go running. I also might wake up and win the lottery. The odds are about the same" is a jocular line about running -- or not running -- that has been printed on…
“I need to get back in shape, but I’m kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end”
"I need to get back in shape, but I'm kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary”
"I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary" is a jocular anti-running saying that has been printed on many images. Children are often told not to run while carrying…
“I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise…”
"I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd wake up early in the morning to exercise...And I was right" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I…
“I plan on marrying into a family that does mimosas on holiday mornings instead of 5K’s”
Many runs are planned over holiday weekends, such as a 5k "turkey trot" over Thanksgiving. "I plan on marrying into a family that does mimosas on holiday mornings instead of…
“I posed naked for a men’s fitness magazine. The cashier would have preferred I’d just paid for it”
A fitness magazine joke was posted on Twitter by Jonny Cooper on September 5, 2013: "Last week I posed naked for a men's fitness magazine. I think the cashier would have preferred…
“I pray to the saint of ups and downs. St. Francis of a See-Saw”
Giovanni di Pietro di Bernardone (1181-1226) is known as St. Francis of Assisi. There is no St. Francis of a See-Saw, but there are jokes. "I pray to the saint of ups and downs. St. Francis of…
“I quit my job testing treadmills. I felt I wasn’t going anywhere”
"I bet testing treadmills is a great starter job. Seems like it could really get a career up and running..." is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Nancy on September 28, 2012. "My…
“I ran 5 miles for the first time. I didn’t think that ice cream truck would ever stop!”
Some people run...for ice cream? "I Ran Five Miles Today.....Damn Ice Cream Truck Still Didn't Stop...Even Though I Was Yellin & Wavin My Money At Him!!" was posted on Twitter on…
“I ran over 5 miles today. Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy”
People named "Miles" should not be confused with actual "miles," but there are jokes. "I actually meant to say I ran over 4 people named Miles" was posted on Twitter…
“I ran twice today. First I ran out of beer, and then I ran to get some more”
"I ran twice today. First I ran out of beer, and then I ran to get some more" is a jocular saying about running that has been printed on many images. "I ran twice today, first i ran…