“If it doesn’t look good, don’t put it on your front porch”
"If it doesn't look good, don't put it on the/your front porch" appears to be a real estate adage (make your house look the best), but is usually a Southern mother's advice…
“If my cat makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If my dog makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first”
"If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. It can be difficult to get a family to help clean a…
“If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they’d leave that one on, too”
Children leave lots of lights on. "If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on, too" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "If my…
“If my pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted”
"When one door shuts, another opens" is an old proverb about opportunity. "If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted" is a jocular variation that…
“If something here offends you, please let us know. We can all use a good laugh”
"If something here offends you, please let us know. We can all use a good laugh" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If Something Here Offends You, Please Let Us Know,…
“If these walls could talk”
"If these walls could talk" is said of old buildings, or buildings where famous or infamous things happened. "The stately walls, which, if walls could speak, would unfold many a sad…
“If white people have no culture, then explain beach themed bathrooms”
It's very common for a bathroom to be decorated with a beach theme, but that is not required by law. "What is it with white people & beach themed bathrooms?" was posted on…
“If you are ever lost in the woods, look for the North Star. Its twinkling will comfort you as you die”
"If you are ever lost in the woods, look for the North Star. Its twinkling will comfort you as you die" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The first sentence…
“If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly because communication is key”
"Communication is key" is a saying; it doesn't refer to an actual key that opens locks, but there are jokes. "If communication is the key...we are locked out" was posted on…
“If you ever start to feel too confident, just get out of a bean bag chair in front of people”
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterDaniPete@mrsdanipetersonI'm pretty confident there is no graceful way to get out of a hammock.4:44 PM · Jun 24, 2013·Twitter for Android TwitterAndrea…
“If you give a weed an inch, it will take a yard”
"Give a weed an inch and it will take a yard" (or "If you give a weed an inch, it will take a yard") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. This is a…
“If you have to buy stuff to store your stuff, you might have too much stuff”
"If you have to buy stuff to store your stuff, you might have too much stuff" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is from Courtney Carver of the website…
“If you lose a garden gnome, are you gnomeless?”
Many homes have garden gnomes. Homes that do not have them are "gnomeless." "It you lose a garden gnome are you gnomeless? #themoreyouknow" was posted on Twitter by The Knower…
“If you need to buy stuff just to organize your existing stuff, maybe you own too much stuff”
"If you have to buy stuff to store your stuff, you might have too much stuff" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is from Courtney Carver of the website…
“If you put holy water in a humidifier, it turns the room into a gas chamber for vampires”
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterBob Kostic@causticbobIf you put holy water in a humidifier it turns the room into a gas chamber for vampires.6:13 PM · Jun 2, 2023
“If you say ‘excellent choice’ after somebody selects a floor in an elevator you can usually get a pity laugh”
Many people make small talk in an elevator. This was posted on X/Twitter by big diesel, and it received over 110,000 likes: "If you say 'excellent choice' after somebody selects a…
“If you spill paint on your lawn, you can watch paint dry and grass grow at the same time”
Both "watching paint dry" and "watching grass grow" are classically unexciting things; sometimes these activities are combined. "Any day now... Its like watching fruit…