“If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie”
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie" (or "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat") is a popular sign displayed in many…
“If you think your microwave spying on you is bad, your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt”
Many devices (microwave, TV, laptop, smartphone) in the household can spy on people. "If you think your microwave spying on you is bad... Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for…
“If you’re ever lost in the outdoors, just find the North Star. Its gentle twinkling will comfort you…as you slowly die”
"If you are ever lost in the woods, look for the North Star. Its twinkling will comfort you as you die" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The first sentence…
“If you’re in a cold room, stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees”
"If you're in a cold room, go stand in the corner. It's 90 degrees" is a geometry joke that has been printed on many images. "Why do Aggies/blondes stand in the corner when…
“If you’re the first on your street to put your bins out, you’re a binfluencer”
There are social media "influencers," and there is also the neighborhood "binfluencer" (bin + influencer). "Wheelie bin" is a UK term for what Americans call the…
“If you’ve got it, haunt it”
"If you've got it, haunt it" is a Halloween saying that has been printed on many images. "That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!" is a famous…
“If you’ve seen one bear attack, you’ve seen a maul”
"When you've seen one lion clawing a tourist at the zoo, you've seen a maul" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on February 11, 1995. "Seen a maul" is a pun on…
“If your couch isn’t against a wall, you are unimaginably rich”
"If your couch isn’t against a wall you are unimaginably rich" was posted on Twitter by conntent mcnett on October 3, 2019. That is, if a couch is not against a wall, the room is not…
“If your front door has a mail slot, then you live in a mailbox”
Some houses don't have a mailbox -- just a mail slot in the front door. "If your front door has a mail slot, then you live in a mailbox" was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on…
“Imagine having your own apartment and nobody ever comes over”
"Imagine having your own apartment and nobody ever comes over" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many young adults want an apartment to be away from their parents, and to…
“Imagine how cocky the plastic bag under your sink that gets to hold all the other plastic bags must feel”
Many people have a plastic bag under the sink that holds other plastic bags. This humorous thought was posted on X/Twitter by The Dad on April 20, 2018: "Imagine how cocky the plastic bag…
“In Case of Fire: Exit building before posting on Facebook”
"In Case of Fire: Please leave the building before posting it on social media" is a sign that has been posted on many images. "In case of fire - exit building before posting on…
“In Case of Fire: Please leave the building before posting it on social media” (sign)
"In Case of Fire: Please leave the building before posting it on social media" is a sign that has been posted on many images. "In case of fire - exit building before posting on…
“In February, your daily rent is more expensive than in all other months”
February is the shortest month (28 or 29 days), so a flat monthly rate is most expensive (on average per day) in February. "Shortest month ever. Rent is more expensive in February" was…
“In need of a road trip that includes stopping at lots of national parks and breakfast diners”
"In need of a road trip that includes stopping at lots of national parks and breakfast diners" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "In need of a road trip that includes…
“In the event of a fire, what steps should you take?”/“Really, really BIG ones!”
What steps does one take in the event of a fie? "RT @FunnyJoker: In the event of a fire what steps would you take?.....Fucking big ones" was posted on X/Twitter by SlightlySick™ on…
“Installing windows is a pane in the glass”
"Fixing broken windows is a pane in the glass" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "Pane in the glass" is a pun on "pain in the ass." There…
“Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
"Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. A "solipsism" means that only something in one's own mind…
“Is there life after death? Trespass here and find out” (property sign)
"Is there life after death? Trespass here and find out" is an anti-trespassing sign (suggesting that trespassers will be shot) that has been printed on many images. The signs have been…
“It really irritates me when I push on a door and someone behind me says ‘you gotta pull.’ Nah, really? My next choice was gonna be to lift up from the bottom!”
People who go through a push/pull door often make a mistake. Other people often point out the mistake, as if the person going through the door couldn't have already figured that out. "i…