“I play a little guitar” (ukulele joke)
"I play a little guitar" is a popular ukulele joke. The pun is that the meaning of "I play guitar a little" is changed when it's written as "I play a little…
Food/Drink
“I played a great horse yesterday. It took seven horses to beat him”
A classic racetrack joke is: "I bet on a wonderful horse. It took seven horses to beat him." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1942. New York-born comedian Joe E. Lewis…
“I played frisbee with my dog today. I think I need a flatter dog”
"I try to do a bit of exercise every now and then. Last week I was playing Frisbee with my dog, It wasn't very good. I'll have to get a flatter dog" is a joke from Irish actor…
“I played in a snooker tournament for the emotionally unstable. I was first to break”
In the game of snooker, one player is "first to break." "Interrogating snooker players is SO easy. They're always the first to break" is a pun that was posted on Twitter on…
“I pledge a legion to the flag” (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)
The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States has been recited by millions of school children, and many of them say the wrong words. These mishearings or misinterpretations are called…
“I pledge a lesion to the flag” (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)
The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States has been recited by millions of school children, and many of them say the wrong words. These mishearings or misinterpretations are called…
“I pledge a lesson to the frog” (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)
The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States has been recited by millions of school children, and many of them say the wrong words. These mishearings or misinterpretations are called…
“I pledge allegiance to the cup that holds my caffeinated beverage…” (coffee pledge)
A pledge of allegiance to a cup of coffee is shown on many images: "I pledge allegiance to the cup that holds my caffeinated beverage. And to the drink which it contains, one container, full…
“I pledge allegiance to the mask of the World Health Organization…”
A Covid-19 parody of the Pledge of Allegiance has been shown on many images: "I pledge allegiance to the mask of the World Health Organization, and to the United Nations, for which it stands,…
“I posed naked for a men’s fitness magazine. The cashier would have preferred I’d just paid for it”
A fitness magazine joke was posted on Twitter by Jonny Cooper on September 5, 2013: "Last week I posed naked for a men's fitness magazine. I think the cashier would have preferred…
“I pray that I never go through whatever makes y’all drink unsweet tea”
Many people, especially Texans, cannot understand anyone who drinks unsweet tea. "I pray I never go through whatever makes y’all drink unsweet tea" was posted on Facebook by Bo Cox on…
“I pray that I never go through whatever makes y’all drink unsweetened tea”
Many people, especially Texans, cannot understand anyone who drinks unsweet tea. "I pray I never go through whatever makes y’all drink unsweet tea" was posted on Facebook by Bo Cox on…
“I prefer my guns the way Democrats prefer their voters: undocumented and untraceable”
"Undocumented" guns have been compared to "undocumented" Americans. "RT @frontalboundary: My #guns are not #illegal they are #undocumented. #NRA #Pelosi #Obama #Biden"…
“I prefer my kale with a silent ‘k’”
"I prefer my kale with a silent 'k'" -- that is, "ale" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. American television sports journalist Rich Esien…
“I prefer to have my milk churned. It’s butter that way”
"Butter" is often used as a pun for "better." This was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on November 9, 2019: "I prefer to have my milk churned. It’s butter that way."…
“I pretend coffee helps, but I’m still a bitch”
"I pretend that coffee helps, but I’m still a bitch" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I like to pretend that coffee helps but I'm still a…
“I pretended to be asleep and then I fell asleep. Now I’m going to pretend I’m skinny”
"I pretended to be asleep and then I fell asleep. Now I'm going to pretend I'm skinny" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I pretended to be asleep,…
“I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the pub last night. Especially as I walked there”
"I really shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I probably…
“I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don’t think they’re ugly or something”
People often cry when they cut up onions, but not when they cut up carrots or other vegetables. "I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don't think they're ugly or…
“I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies. Yup, he’s my screen-savior”
A "screensaver" should not be confused with a "screen savior," but there are jokes. The "screen savior" pun has been printed on many images. "Jesus is my screen…