“I pay too many bills to be paying attention to shit that don’t pay my bills”
"I pay too many bills to be paying attention to shit that don’t pay my bills 😩" was posted on X/Twitter by 𝒦𝒜ℒℐ𝒯𝒜 . on July 17, 2021. Many people only have time for…
"I pay too many bills to be paying attention to shit that don’t pay my bills 😩" was posted on X/Twitter by 𝒦𝒜ℒℐ𝒯𝒜 . on July 17, 2021. Many people only have time for…
A "Child Abuse Hotline" is usually to report about abuse to children, but a joke has it that the hotline is to get abuse from children. "I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline. A kid…
"I buy/pick fresh vegetables every day. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "HEALTHY EATING #36 I BUY…
Many runs are planned over holiday weekends, such as a 5k "turkey trot" over Thanksgiving. "I plan on marrying into a family that does mimosas on holiday mornings instead of…
"I play a little guitar" is a popular ukulele joke. The pun is that the meaning of "I play guitar a little" is changed when it's written as "I play a little…
"I play a little guitar" is a popular ukulele joke. The pun is that the meaning of "I play guitar a little" is changed when it's written as "I play a little…
A classic racetrack joke is: "I bet on a wonderful horse. It took seven horses to beat him." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1942. New York-born comedian Joe E. Lewis…
"I try to do a bit of exercise every now and then. Last week I was playing Frisbee with my dog, It wasn't very good. I'll have to get a flatter dog" is a joke from Irish actor…
In the game of snooker, one player is "first to break." "Interrogating snooker players is SO easy. They're always the first to break" is a pun that was posted on Twitter on…
The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States has been recited by millions of school children, and many of them say the wrong words. These mishearings or misinterpretations are called…
The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States has been recited by millions of school children, and many of them say the wrong words. These mishearings or misinterpretations are called…
The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States has been recited by millions of school children, and many of them say the wrong words. These mishearings or misinterpretations are called…
A pledge of allegiance to a cup of coffee is shown on many images: "I pledge allegiance to the cup that holds my caffeinated beverage. And to the drink which it contains, one container, full…
A Covid-19 parody of the Pledge of Allegiance has been shown on many images: "I pledge allegiance to the mask of the World Health Organization, and to the United Nations, for which it stands,…
A fitness magazine joke was posted on Twitter by Jonny Cooper on September 5, 2013: "Last week I posed naked for a men's fitness magazine. I think the cashier would have preferred…
"Undocumented" guns have been compared to "undocumented" Americans. "RT @frontalboundary: My #guns are not #illegal they are #undocumented. #NRA #Pelosi #Obama #Biden"…
"I prefer my kale with a silent 'k'" -- that is, "ale" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. American television sports journalist Rich Esien…
"Butter" is often used as a pun for "better." This was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on November 9, 2019: "I prefer to have my milk churned. It’s butter that way."…
"I pretend that coffee helps, but I’m still a bitch" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I like to pretend that coffee helps but I'm still a…
"I pretended to be asleep and then I fell asleep. Now I'm going to pretend I'm skinny" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I pretended to be asleep,…