Many people stop the microwave with one second left and take their food out; this makes them feel like a bomb defusal/disposal expert. "I like to stop the microwave when it gets to one second.…
"I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, random shenanigans, and solid love of coffee" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I like…
"I listen to every genre of music. I'm polyjamorous" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The word "polyjamorous" is a portmanteau of the words…
"I listen to the voices in my coffee" is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on many images. A crazy person might "listen to the voices inside the head." "I…
"I literally wrote a book to warn you guys about this. -- George Orwell" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. English author George Orwell (1903-1950) didn't…
"I literally wrote a book to warn you guys about this. -- George Orwell" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. English author George Orwell (1903-1950) didn't…
"Raison d'être" ( French for "reason for being") has nothing to do with raisins, but there are jokes. "I absolutely live for small dried fruits. They're my…
"I live for my alarm clock collection. It's what gets me up in the morning" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter on February 10, 2011. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
"Raison d'être" ( French for "reason for being") has nothing to do with raisins, but there are jokes. "I absolutely live for small dried fruits. They're my…
"'I am a free citizen and I have all the licenses and permits to prove it.' http://bit.ly/uBYlt via @addthis" was posted on Twitter by Stephen on June 12, 2009. The point of…
Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) was a self-deprecating comic. He told a joke about his neighborhood (cited in print since at least 2003 and in his 2004 book): "I live in a tough neighborhood.…
A "story" is a floor of a building, but there are several puns on another meaning of the word. A marriage joke was published on the newsgroup rec.humor on APril 10, 1993: A man is…
"I live in the South ...... where lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers" is a jocular saying about driving on the road that has been printed on many images. Many…
A "dead end" is sometimes called a cul-de-sac (a French term). When cul-de-sac is used, a different group of people can be expected to be living there. This was posted on Twitter by…
A joke has been printed on many images: "I let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back next time he saw me...Wait..." The joke was cited on Twitter on…
"It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber" has been a popular bumper sticker. The origin of the saying…
A fat joke is: WIFE (looking in the mirror): I look fat. Please give me a compliment.HUSBAND: You have perfect eyesight. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2003 and has been printed on…
"I look forward to paying off al of my debt, and finally getting back to just being broke" is a jocular line that began as an e-card and first appeared on Twitter on August 12, 2011. The…
People often seek the key (or keys) to success. The "key" is a metaphor, but another metaphor is often added -- that success is a "combination lock." Business author Jonathan…
Baseball outfielders often lose a fly ball in the sun. A popular joke when an infielder muffs a ground ball is that he "lost it in the sun." The Brooklyn Dodgers were leading the New York…